Am I intentionally humbling myself to serve others with the unique gifts God has given me?

20 Then the mother of Zebedee's sons came to Jesus with her sons and, kneeling down, asked a favor of him.  21 “What is it you want?" he asked. She said, "Grant that one of these two sons of mine may sit at your right and the other at your left in your kingdom."  22 “You don't know what you are asking," Jesus said to them. "Can you drink the cup I am going to drink?" "We can," they answered.  23 Jesus said to them, "You will indeed drink from my cup, but to sit at my right or left is not for me to grant. These places belong to those for whom they have been prepared by my Father." 24 When the ten heard about this, they were indignant with the two brothers.  25 Jesus called them together and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. 26 Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 27 and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— 28  just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

INSIGHT:    I will tell you plainly that I am shocked and embarrassed for the entire human race (including me) when I think about James and John’s mother asking Jesus for these high positions for her two sons.  This shows just how worldly and carnal our understanding is, apart from being born again and receiving the Holy Spirit, which she had not yet been given (Jn 7:39).  You can see how self-honoring a request like that was and how it was nothing like Jesus, or any true Christian filled with His Spirit.  This is why He had to say to her, “You don't know what you are asking,".

By the grace of His Spirit in me, I have a totally opposite desire, which is why I am so appalled by her request, that reveals how ungodly our flesh really is.  Years ago, I had this desperate desire come into my heart to be the one at the very back of the line or audience, in heaven.  This is assuming I remain an overcomer in my faith to the end, and I eventually make it to heaven (Mat 24:13).  My only request to the Father is to be able to be somewhere that I can just look upon both Him and the Lord Jesus Christ, to gaze upon them.  I don’t need a front row seat, or to be anywhere near the front.  I don’t need to be a leader, or to be even around the leaders.  Those positions will most likely belong to the Christians on earth that we never even heard of.  I don’t even need to be recognized by anyone.  I just want to be at the very back of the line, God willing, now with Lisa also by my side, just staring at Him and admiring Him all the days of our eternal life.  That is heaven to me, to be able to just follow Him around and look upon Him.  This is such a special thought and deep desire to me that I can rarely even think about it, without my eyes filling with tears.  So, I say, if you want to find me in heaven, turn around and look at the very back; that’s my place. 

I haven’t minded being a little known here for a time, so that He could point others He loved to the narrow path and to make Himself know to them through me, but when this is all done, I don’t mind if not a single person recognizes me in heaven, except my Lord!  This is the exact opposite of what my wicked human nature desired, as a counterfeit Christian, before I surrendered fully to my Master and was filled with His Spirit and grace.

Human nature, the world, and Satan all agree that “If you want to be great, you must strive to become great by getting ahead of others.”  Jesus gave us a living example of the exact opposite approach.  He demonstrated that we become great when we become nothing, and when we lower ourselves or lay down our lives to serve others in His name, because of our love for Him (Jn 14:31). 

Jesus came to give His life, not to find it or to make it great, and so should we.  We resist this idea in our human nature, and false Christian teaching helps us to justify doing so, but the Holy Spirit beckons us to come this way by faith—the way of supreme happiness.  Those who choose to obey and serve (Jn 7:17), discover the secret of Christ’s peace, His joy, and His fulfillment.  How else can we explain that a man like me, a former public speaker, could ever desire to be unknown and unseen, standing at the back of the line in heaven?