Do I realize just how much God has forgiven me and saved me from eternal condemnation? 

36 Now one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, so he went to the Pharisee's house and reclined at the table.  37 When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, 38 and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.  39 When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, "If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner."  40 Jesus answered him, "Simon, I have something to tell you." "Tell me, teacher," he said.  41 “Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42 Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?" 43 Simon replied, "I suppose the one who had the bigger debt canceled." "You have judged correctly," Jesus said.  44 Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46 You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little." 48 Then Jesus said to her, "Your sins are forgiven." 49 The other guests began to say among themselves, "Who is this who even forgives sins?"  50 Jesus said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you; go in peace."

INSIGHT:  This is one of the most amazing, non-religious, and beautiful passages in the whole New Covenant, to me.  This scene is spectacular, and it absolutely shames most of the “religious” and “church” thinking of today.  A wicked sinner has just been loved and totally justified by Christ, apart from all the religious rituals, denominational affiliations, traditions, sinner’s prayers, altar calls, raised hands, etc.  As far as we can tell, she didn’t even say a single word, confessing her sins, or asking for forgiveness. 

But she didn’t have to, because out of the overflow of her broken and contrite heart, her actions were screaming, “I am convicted of my sins and the future consequences thereof Jesus, and I have seen that you forgive others like me, and I know, by faith, that you are the Savior who came to take away the sins of the world.  I am turning from my sins, to you, because I need your forgiveness, and I love you so much for doing this for me.”

As horrible as sin is, often, it is the worst sinners, who when they repent, love God the most because they have been forgiven a bigger debt.  I have found my love for God increasing over the years, as my understanding of His justice, his demands for righteousness, and His holiness have increased, thereby increasing the weight and wickedness of my past sins, which He has forgiven me of.  The closer I have gotten to the Lord, the more I have grown to see that there is nothing in my sin nature that is good, and the more I have grown to love Him, for His forgiveness towards me.  The Lord has allowed Satan to bring a tremendous amount of suffering into my life and ministry, but I find that what keeps me holding on to Him in faith, is my love towards Him, for saving me from my sinful worthless past.

Have a weak desire to obey God?

The way I see it in the Scriptures, if you are having an obedience problem, you have a love problem.  If you are having a love problem, you have a forgiveness problem.  If you are having a forgiveness problem, you have a repentance problem.  If you are having a repentance problem, you have a fear of God problem.  If you are having a fear of God problem, you have a false teaching or ignorance of God’s word problem. 

Reading the book of Revelation might be just the remedy for all those problems.  I believe that the mysterious blessing spoken of in Rev 1:3, which comes on all who read that book, is the fear of God, which then leads to all other blessings.

Many waters cannot quench Love (Son 8:7)!  It is wise to remember how God has forgiven your many sins, so that your love for Him increases, and you remain faithful to Him, through the many troubled waters that we, as Christians, must go through in this life.