Am I embracing God’s brokenness in my life as a doorway to true life and fruitfulness?

24 I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. 25 The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.

INSIGHT:     The true blessings of the Christian life and eternal life only begin when you die to yourself and give Jesus a full surrender of your life and will.  We cannot go 95% of the way with the King of Kings!  He told us plainly that He demands all our life and that means 100% death of our life (Lk 14:33).  A seed that only dies 95% is never actually dead and will never produce life.  Lazarus had to fully die, before Christ raised Him to Newness of Life.  God’s design is always death unto Life and without death there can be no Life (2 Tim 2:11).  Sacrifice is indeed a type of death, and it is the enemy of our natural man who craves comfort and has sat under so much religious brainwashing in our counterfeit “churches”, which completely contradicts the commands of Christ for us to take up our cross and die. God knows of our reluctance and of our Satanic brainwashing through “easy believism”, so in His mercy, He often intervenes to shatter our dreams and frustrate our plans of living our life apart from His will.  We do still have a choice though.  Even then, we don’t have to die to ourselves (Jn 7:17).  It is possible to rebel against God’s brokenness and instead choose to seek our own pain relief, or to lose heart (Heb 12:5-11).  Jesus said, those who choose to “save their life” from the sacrifice of having to follow Him and do His will, will lose their life in the life to come.

The part of Trusting God in the Storm that seems to touch people the most is where I had been making a journal recording, and it turned into a prayer of anguish.  I can be heard screaming out to God, “I feel so alone…My heart is broken…I’ve lost everything for you…I don’t know how much longer I can make it God!”  During the seven months it took to produce that video, I cried many times having to relive that scene. What I captured in that moment was complete brokenness.  God had finished shattering my dreams and stripping me down to nothing.

To me, the most interesting part is where I’m crying out, “Please use it God…please use it…please don’t tell me I’m going through this for nothing.”  I believe the Spirit of Christ moved me to pray those words to remind me and those that saw it, that brokenness has a reason, and a season, but that redemption would one day come.  God is so wise my friend, trust Him. 

The days came when I finally realized that God loved me enough to push my train off the tracks now, so that I would not run it off the eternal cliff later.  Not everyone has to go through the same type or length of brokenness, but we do all have to go through it, so that we can produce many seeds for Jesus.  If we respond properly (and not everyone does) we will find indescribable beauty in brokenness.  We can respond properly when we accept by faith (Rom 8:28) that God is completely Sovereign (Gen 45:8, Ps 135:6, Pro 16:4) and that everything He does or allows is an act of love towards us, even when it feels more like an act of hate (Ps 25:10, 145:13, Heb 12:6).  It took some time, but the days came when I thanked God more for bringing the brokenness, than I ever did for Him removing it.  Fourteen years later, I am still learning how to obey God more fully, and to deny myself each day.

Brokenness is God’s way of helping us to break through the ugly veil of our natural and spiritually corrupt self-life, and we all have a lot of self that is in His way!  I am still completely amazed when I read Jesus’ words here in John, knowing they were written 2000 years ago and yet they are my personal experience.  There are many seeds being produced today because I “fell to the ground and died”.  Don’t be afraid to lose your life for Christ my friend, because you don’t lose anything lasting or worth keeping to begin with, and in Christ there is no death which does not lead to resurrection. 

As we can see vividly in my life, with God, the answer is always faith and time.  If you are truly His, keep trusting Him and hold on a little longer, it is impossible for you to not see Life come from death!