75 - Kiera – “I am in constant fear of HELL! Am I not saved, or could this be demonic attack?”
“I am a 36-year-old single mother who recently just surrendered everything to Christ, or so I thought. A little back history, I grew up in and out of the church, but my mother made sure to lay the foundation of Christ within our household even though it wasn’t always practiced.
I have never doubted my faith, but I never really lived in it until recently. A few years ago, I started seeking God with my whole heart but quickly fell back into sin, but God continued to pull at my heart over the years and I just couldn’t ignore it anymore.
In June, after coming back from a vacation with my boyfriend (fearful the entire trip because I had these overwhelming feeling months before that God was telling me not to go) I gave in to the father’s calling. I have been striving for the last few months every day to live according to God’s word. I read and pray diligently, I cut off my relationship and all things that I knew were against Gods commands, drinking, cursing, sex, friends, etc. I cried out and gave him all of me, I stop worrying about jobs, material things, worldly pleasures, a husband (not my focus until he sees fit to send me the right man), more children, etc. However, I am in constant FEAR of HELL. I know we are living in the last days, and the rapture can happen any day but despite repenting and working to live for God with all my heart, I cannot shake this fear that I am still missing the mark.
I am scared that I may have waited too late to give myself to God and won’t have time to get through all his words or to fulfill his Will for my life or that I may be harboring resentment or anger unbeknownst to me.
My son is 11 and I read to him, we talk about God, and I am honest with him about what state the world is in but I am not sure he understands at his age
Michael please help me I am so afraid and I have these moments of total fear that takes over my day. What am I doing wrong? Could it be that I am not saved or is this a demonic attack because I know God doesn’t give us the spirit of fear? Sorry, for all the grammatical mistakes.”
When Fear Becomes a Gift: Finding God in the Valley of Trembling
Do you find yourself, like Kiera, wrestling with a fear of God, even a fear of hell? While unsettling, this fear can be a surprising gift, a catalyst for a deeper understanding of God's grace. Many famous Christians before us, like Francis Ridley Havergal, the hymn writer, experienced profound conviction of sin and fear of God's judgment before finding solace in His love. Havergal, as a young girl, was deeply affected by a sermon on the terrors of hell, leading to two years of personal wrestling before finding relief in prayer. This period of wrestling, though difficult, prepared her heart to receive the fullness of God's grace.
The final stage of the fear of the Lord is not a paralyzing terror, but a reverential awe that recognizes His holiness and our own sinfulness. "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom," Proverbs 9:10 tells us. It's a recognition of the chasm between our imperfection and God's perfection, a chasm bridged only by the cross of Christ. This fear is not meant to cripple us, but to drive us humbly to the Savior. As Moses reassured the Israelites, terrified by God's presence, "Do not be afraid. God has come to test you, so that the fear of God will be with you to keep you from sinning" (Exodus 20:20).
This fear, coupled with faith, initiates our journey towards God. We see this in Luke 7:47, where the sinful woman, overwhelmed by her transgressions, anoints Jesus' feet with tears and costly oil. Jesus, recognizing her deep repentance, declares, "He who has been forgiven little loves little, but he who has been forgiven much loves much." This woman's fear of judgment led her to a profound understanding of her need for forgiveness, and ultimately, to an outpouring of love for Christ.
But faith and fear are not enough. We must also patiently wait on God's timing and humbly depend on His grace. "Apart from me you can do nothing," Jesus reminds us in John 15:5. We may strive to obey His commands, to "jump" the high bar of righteousness, but in our own strength, we will always fall short. It is only through God's grace, received through humble dependence and patient waiting, that we are empowered to overcome sin and live in right relationship with Him. This fear, then, becomes a refining fire, purifying our hearts and preparing us for the fullness of God's love.
