56 - Jonathan – “For 3 years I cried my eyes out to a silent God. I don't have any hope or desires, so I don't get hurt again.”
“Hey, I have been watching your YouTube videos. I am battling 2 things to understand. What does it mean to focus on Jesus? How do we look to him?
And the second question is the big one. You mentioned that when someone doesn’t believe that God would act on their behalf is not walking in their faith. That hit the nail on the head for me. God told me a while ago to “Take steps of faith” I have no idea what that means, but I have a good idea.
So for me, I have no doubt God can do wonderful things and is in control. BUT would he for little old me? I did trust, and only test and trials came. It’s very hard to trust him again despite all this pain and there is no hope. He does care I know, I just don’t really trust him anymore. In my head I do, but deep down its all pain. I can’t face him.
Maybe I now accept that he doesn’t give us what We want, only what he wants. I doubt he gives us our hearts desires. His desires aren’t mine, so why would I like his? Why would I want God’s best if it’s not something I’d like? What if he gave me an ugly, average Wife? I want to choose. I have free will to choose.
So I guess what is hard for me is to accept that God would act for me. Especially since I did love him at one time. He clearly has shown his hand, one part of me says. The other part says keep trusting. But there is so much pain still and anger. I really don’t care anymore. I don’t have any hope or desires, so I don’t get hurt again. I am starting to hate women, I am becoming greedy, everything opposite is happening. I used to love women, people, I gave a lot etc. but now I cannot trust God it seems. If he does give us good desires, um hello I prayed for 3 years and cried my eyes out to a silent God. He has spoken before but not lately.
So knowing God can do good things, but that he probably won’t do it for me, that’s not having faith is it? If he would, he would do it. He doesn’t so I assume it’s his will that I won’t have the best. Or, if this is his best no thank you. I’ll take my desires anyway. After All I know what I like. If that’s the devil talking, he has gotten me before. Where are you God ? Waiting? Maybe your good isn’t what I consider good. Maybe it’s all trials, problems. Nothing good I consider.
Do i need to believe he will bless me like he blesses you, and others to be walking in faith? Sorry for the messy email.”
Finding True Fulfillment in Christ: A Journey Beyond Worldly Desires
Jonathan found himself mad at God and hating women, when neither had treated him how he expected. In our pursuit of happiness, we often find ourselves chasing after worldly desires and possessions. We believe that a new car, a bigger house, or a perfect relationship will bring us the contentment we seek. However, these things are fleeting and will ultimately be destroyed by fire. "Everything you see is all going to be destroyed by fire. Everything is going to burn".
Jesus reminds us in Luke 16:15, "What is highly valued among men is detestable in God's sight". Our Heavenly Father desires a deeper connection with us, one that goes beyond the superficial and temporary pleasures of this world. He wants us to find true fulfillment in Him, not in the things of this earth.
Consider the story of the rich man and Lazarus in Luke 16:19-31. The rich man enjoyed all the comforts of this world, while Lazarus suffered in poverty. Yet, in the end, it was Lazarus who found comfort in the bosom of Abraham, while the rich man faced eternal torment. Jesus said, "What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?" (Mark 8:36).
When we surrender our desires and ambitions to God, we open ourselves to His transformative power. The Christian life is an exchanged life. You lay down your life, you lay down your desires and all the things. In doing so, we find a peace and joy that surpasses all understanding. Philippians 4:7 tells us, "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"
Let us seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, trusting that He will provide for our needs and fulfill the deepest desires of our hearts. As we draw closer to Him, we will experience the true joy and contentment that can only be found in His presence.
