53 - Ethan – “I worry about judgement day and Jesus telling me I never knew you.”
“This young man is now an adult and became the husband of Taylor Calkins Noelle, after they met through my YouTube channel.”
”Hello Michael, my name is Ethan and I’ve contacted you a few times in your videos about my walk with Christ and my frustrations. I’m 16 years old and am from Seattle Washington and my whole life I’ve gone to a private Christian school. In 7th and 8th grade my parents divorced (there back together) and it really crushed me. I had barely any friends in school, and I turned to video games. At one point I didn’t want to live anymore, and I rejected Jesus because everyone talked about how great he was at my school, and I rebelled.
Eventually this past year in 9th grade I moved schools and went to public and last year my grandpa died and it started making me come back to Jesus since I had the free will to because at private school bible class was forced on me and I hated it. This year in April I went to church for the first time in my life and Jesus answered many of my prayers. He brought to my attention my sexual sins and made me realize what I was doing is a terrible sin. I kept doing it, but I hated it. 3 months later to now I am still dealing with this problem but it’s not as bad as before. There are days where I’m tempted and I fall into it. I hate myself and I’ve cried out to God so many times, yet I can’t hear him, I don’t feel him or anything. I wept yesterday and I just told God I need his grace and help. I am so stuck Michael and I am constantly worrying about so much. I worry about judgement day and Jesus telling me I never knew you. I worry about my future and how God will help me. I feel like I have no faith in God to help me and to sustain me. I feel like God just hates me, but I know he doesn’t. I am confused about so much and I am impatient. I haven’t been baptized but I want to but I don’t know who will do it or when and Satan makes me worry that if I died right now that I’d go straight to eternal hell and Michael, this makes me weep and cry and worry and have so much anxiety over. It overwhelms my spirit! I know God can work his strength in my weakness and I ask him to, but I don’t see any difference. I am so frustrated! I don’t understand! Am I suffering for Christ when I resist the temptation to sin and deny myself and take up my cross. Michael I hate my sin! Yet I’m a Romans 7 Christian and I keep on doing what I hate and I don’t know how to get out of it! I find it hard to trust God. I say I trust Him and then I start worrying! I don’t get it Michael! Please I beg you Michael. Please see this message and answer me. I feel stuck in my weakness and I need Christ to intervene! I don’t want to do this in my own strength!”
Finding Peace in the Fear of God: A Testimony for the Troubled Teen
Have you ever felt the weight of spiritual anxiety like Ethan, the terrifying grip of God's judgment? It can feel overwhelming, like flaming arrows piercing your heart. But take comfort, dear friend, for this fear can be a profound blessing. It's a sign that God is working in you, drawing you closer to Him. God may have chosen you for a special purpose, just as He chose John Bunyan, a sinful young man terrified by visions of hell, to pen Pilgrim's Progress, a book that has impacted millions. "It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God" (Hebrews 10:31), but it is also in this fear that we find the beginning of wisdom (Proverbs 9:10).
The devil will use this fear, whispering lies that you are not worthy, that you are doomed. Resist him with the shield of faith. Immerse yourself in God's Word. "Greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world" (1 John 4:4). "No weapon formed against you shall prosper" (Isaiah 54:17). "If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31). Find these promises, cling to them, and let them be your strength.
Approach God with childlike humility, crying out to Him in faith. "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you" (James 4:7). As you demonstrate your faith through obedience, even in the smallest things, God will see your suffering and set you free. He increases the power of the weak and gives strength to the weary (Isaiah 40:29). He will sustain you through this trial.
Remember, even older and seasoned Christians must approach God with childlike dependence, constantly seeking His protection and guidance: "Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil" (Matthew 6:13). So, turn from this world and turn to God. Don't waste your life chasing fleeting happiness. Take God seriously now and imagine what He can do with you in the years to come.
