24 - Bharath - Losing Your Life to Find It: The Paradox of Surrender
“Dear Michael,
I have been in a lot of troubles since the past few years on account of my marriage. Right from the beginning there used to be tremendous fights between us over petty issues and I had taken all the steps I needed to take for being in the marriage as i didn’t want to hurt anyone around us. We are blessed with twin sons and it’s been a year they are born but still the fights doesn’t seem to solve. Throughout the period of our marriage of 2.6 years, it’s been only 6 months we have been together and the rest my wife spent in her parents’ house. She had issues in doing household responsibilities, she had issues in respecting me, she had issues with my parents, she had issues of unhealthy relationships outside marriage, she never had the feel of a marriage and a husband throughout the period. No matter I have done everything to keep her happy, some or the other she tries to pick up a new issue every day and start fighting over it and her parents also support her mistakes and always blamed me for not keeping their daughter happy. It feels so depressed and mentally stressed, even after doing a whole lot of things for my wife to show my affection, in the end I stand blamed and accused all the time. She is not even allowing me to see the kids which seems very pathetic. She is neither being faithful to me, nor to her parents and not even to her kids. She is spoiling the life of kids for no mistake of theirs. I am still unable to know what is her motive behind all this. Why does she feel so disturbed for doing any household work. It’s her house. It’s her place. She has all the rights to take care of the family well. But why does she feel it as a pain? She never even believes Jesus. She is a total situational player. She uses Jesus name to fulfill her needs. She knows that I will do anything if asked in the name of Jesus. I even know she is fake. But how long..
I am in a very good position in my career. I have recently got two good job opportunities in (removed for anonymity) state in India. I currently reside in (certain state). But my wife has a problem with that too. She refuses to come anywhere out of (certain state) because she wants to stay with her parents here in (certain state). I feel so mentally disgraced that even though I have got good offers at hand. I am not able to take up the offers due to lack of God’s will. I am unable to know what God’s will is. I have been praying all these days for showing God’s will. But still, I didn’t get an answer. I feel terrible and broken. I feel so isolated due to all these issues. I do have faith on my Lord because he is the one who has given me this life and he will take care of me. But being in this terrible situation without knowing which direction to go and without knowing how far I have to go, makes me go weird and depressed. I have been looking at your you tube videos for personal motivation. End of the day I still land up being felt isolated as I don’t see God’s will yet.
Please pray for me. Please pray that I should be anointed with the Holy Spirit, and I should know Gods will in the decisions I have to take up.
Thanks and regards”
Losing Your Life to Find It: The Paradox of Surrender
Are you, like brother Bharath, struggling, feeling trapped in a cycle of marital strife and depression? Does it seem like God isn't answering your prayers for relief? Your situation, while unique in its details, echoes a common cry: the longing for circumstances to change, for life to finally "work." Today’s devotional offers a challenging truth from Jesus Himself: "Whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it" (Matthew 16:25).
Bharath emailed me asking for prayer, desperate for God to fix his marriage, to soften his wife's heart. He is not alone in this desire. We all crave happy relationships, well-behaved children, successful careers. But what if God’s purpose for your life is something deeper, something beyond the temporal comforts of this world?
Consider Romans 8:28-29. Verse 28, often quoted, assures us that God works all things together for good for those who love Him. But verse 29 reveals the ultimate "good": "For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son." This is God's primary will for your life, to mold you into the likeness of Christ.
Hebrews 5:8 reveals how even Jesus, though the beloved Son, "learned obedience from what he suffered." Suffering, though painful, is often God's tool for refining us, for chipping away at the earthly nature that clings to comfort and control. Philippians 1:29 reminds us that it is a gift, granted on behalf of Christ, "to suffer for him."
This is a difficult truth. It’s easier to pray for a happy marriage than to surrender to a season of crushing, to accept the possibility that God may be using this very trial to draw you closer to Himself, in preparation for heaven. As Isaiah 53:10 tells us, it pleased God to crush Jesus, His own Son. And as Psalm 66:10-12 states, God tests and refines us like silver, bringing us through fire and water to a place of abundance. This abundance, in the New Covenant, is not often material wealth, but rather the spiritual blessings of knowing and being like Christ.
Stop fighting for the "good life" in the here and now. Stop demanding that God make your circumstances comfortable. Instead, get on your knees and surrender your will to His. Let him have his way with you, the one He purchased at the cost of His own Son’s blood! Open your hands, as Corrie Ten Boom advised, and allow God to work in and through your life, even when it means stripping, and even when it hurts.
This is not about your painful circumstances or marriage. This is about you. This is your opportunity to lose your life, your desires, your expectations, and to find true life in Christ.
