17 – Bettina - “I never imagined carrying one’s cross could be so deeply crushing.”
“Name: Bettina
Subject: Thank you! Your message has totally blessed me!!!
Message: Dear Michael,
I guess it is no coincidence, that I found your website....(before I continue, please excuse some of my spelling. I am no longer used to writing or speaking much in English ;)) Today, as often, I was hunting online for some help, some message to comfort me in my pain. I just listened to your video ‘How the worst evil in your life can become the greatest good’. this message has really spoken to me deeply! You touch on so many topics which I am going through or have gone through. In my case, I am the parent who is being alienated from her son. I believe it has to do solely with the fact, that I am Christian, and my ex-husband has been, and probably still is, very much involved with new age stuff. He hates my faith, and he hates the God and the Christ of the bible. It’s too much to go into, and as you well said, the details are quite irrelevant. But to make it short, in my case, I was totally naive to the fact, that anyone talking about Christ, could mean someone different than in the bible.
You also talked about, and I can soooo relate to wanting to understand WHY my ex-husband is now so blatantly (at least for me to see and experience, for everyone else he wears his perfect mask) behaving like a total maniac, with a blindness, hatred and total lack of empathy, harming our son? And why did God let ME lose custody, instead of receiving it solely? It just doesn’t make sense from my little ant-perspective (to use your great term). In my case, I went to court to gain full custody, to protect our son from further harm, since there was enough evidence of abuse and a lot of harmful behavior. But, it all turned against me, and at one point, it was like all that my ex was doing and which I had facts to prove, was now projected onto me (except the abuse, which was totally ignored). He was listened to, and his lies were believed and I became the bad mother, who he displayed as being mentally ill. At first, I was totally in disbelief, that this could be happening to me. I mean I had just become born again, I was passionate about Christ, I really loved the word, and all of a sudden and I was really changing. it was a spiritually amazing time and still is. BUT, this didn’t seem to fit. It was pure horror.
You said, that it took only a little while for you to get the fact, that we should rely on God and not ourselves. For me, this battle to let go and trust God, has been a long one. It’s been three years now, since I lost custody of my only son, and being a very new born again Christian at that time ( I was religious for most of my life. a whole different story) I had no substance, no great faith to draw upon and my church had just fallen apart. God seemed to have wanted to shatter all my securities so that I would learn, sloooowly, that HE was and is my only security. What a painful thing to learn. I never knew how much I was resting in self-effort, and in other securities other than God. I never saw how much I was wanting to understand and control my life. God seems to be having to rip all these other gods out of my hands, heart and mind. It hasn’t been easy. I was so blind.
I feel like I am travelling around the same mountains a few times. I don’t want to, but I just don’t get it in some points. And I guess, I really never imagined suffering to be so very painful, I never imagined that carrying one’s cross could be so deeply crushing. Sometimes I just feel like never coming out of my cave again. The pain about not seeing my son daily, not having any rights anymore, not being able to care for him, is killing me on some days. I can’t say that it has gotten easier to have my motherhood put on ice and especially seeing a monstrous father having all the rights. But as you rightly said, God has let this happen, and He is doing a great thing, even though I am bleeding out of every pore it seems at times.
I was touched by your story and just like you, God has showed me that I should wait and rest in him. This is also a longer journey for me, but I think I am coming along at a snail’s pace ;) God has also shown me, that my son will be with me at some time. He repeats this promise to me often, since I am so weak and often crushed. God has also showed me, like you shared, that I will marry, and He has shown me what this man looks like. Isn’t the father so loving! Although I sometimes lose sight of these promises, when all seems so dark again or I am being once again attacked by my ex-husband, when peace is restored and I succeed in letting the word of truth calm me (which comes so much faster than in the beginning), I really rejoice over all God is doing and will do.
Thank you very much, for sharing your journey so honestly. You know what I find especially precious when I come across blogs like this, it’s the real fellowship and deep connection which is possible, which I am rarely experiencing at the moment, as I know so few born again Christians, and have just been called out of my last church. Real unity with others in Christ, is such a beautiful thing!
Be richly blessed and greatly sheltered in our beautiful savior!”
The Kernel of Wheat: Dying to Self and Living for Christ
Our sister Bettina's story reminds us of the intense struggle to trust God amidst life's storms. She has faced immense pain and loss through divorce and parental alienation. Yet, in this brokenness, God is at work, preparing her for a future beyond imagination. Remember, “no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him” (John 13:16). We, like Jesus, will face trials. He was led into the wilderness to be tested (Mark 1:12-13), experiencing difficulty, temptation, humility, and hunger. This testing refined Him, preparing Him for ministry. Similarly, God uses trials to refine us, molding us into His image.
God often uses suffering to refine us. He uses the painful seasons, the trials and tribulations, as a tool to shape us into the image of Christ. As Jesus said in John 12:24-25, "Unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.” This speaks directly to the process of refinement through suffering. God is interested in “multiplication of the Kingdom of God in the body of Christ through death to the old part of you.” Yes, “it is extremely painful,” even a “living hell” at times. But this process births fruitfulness and spiritual growth. It calls for tremendous perseverance, the kind we see in the saints who have gone before us. This is where Hebrews 12:2 becomes our lifeline: "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Focus on Jesus, not the storm.
Therefore, perseverance becomes essential in trials. We must be willing to endure, to stay in the fire, trusting in God’s perfect timing even when we feel like giving up. Remember, God “sees our struggles, even the blind spots we can’t perceive.” He brings the right resources and people into our lives, often at the most unexpected moments, for His glory and our good. He has "extraordinary plans for your life," beyond what you can begin to imagine.
God's timing is perfect. This is not a passive waiting, but an active participation with the Father. “He brings people and resources into our lives at the appointed time.” Like Bettina, if God has led you to a message of encouragement or a person who offers support, recognize His hand at work. He is interested in “turning on the lights in your heart.” Trust in His timing.
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, "delight yourself in the Lord." When we focus on Christ, when we truly surrender our will to His, even in the midst of hardship, He is faithful. He works miracles in ways we cannot comprehend. This aligns our desires with His, changing us from the inside out. As Psalm 37:4 promises, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Embrace this promise, persevere through the pain, and watch God’s incredible redemption unfold in your life.
