12 – Lori - The Curse of Unforgiveness
“Lori was in such distress that she called me from the hospital, desperate for help. She had been diagnosed as bipolar and was now experiencing panic attacks and nervous breakdowns. She had discovered that her husband had been spending their much-needed income, on pornography and even local “call girls” (prostitution). She had become obsessed with continually searching his computer for more evidence against him, and she was trapped in unforgiveness. When I told her I had deleted all the recordings I made of Keri screaming and threatening me, as a way of Trusting God alone to bring justice, and that she too needed to stop searching his computer and instead needed to throw it all away, and trust God who sees it all, she cried out in a loud desperate voice, “No, Michael, no, you cannot ask me to do that…I cannot do that!” Lori was experiencing mental illness because of clinging to unforgiveness, just as God warned against in Deut 28, where God explains He will curse his people if they disobey Him.
[15] However, if you do not obey the Lord your God and do not carefully follow all his commands and decrees…all these curses will come upon you and overtake you…[20] The Lord will send on you curses, confusion and rebuke in everything you put your hand to…[28] The Lord will afflict you with madness, blindness and confusion of mind. [29] At midday you will grope about like a blind man in the dark. You will be unsuccessful in everything you do; day after day you will be oppressed and robbed, with no one to rescue you. [65]…you will find no repose, no resting place for the sole of your foot…the Lord will give you an anxious mind, eyes weary with longing, and a despairing heart. [66] You will live in constant suspense, filled with dread both night and day, never sure of your life. [67] In the morning you will say, “If only it were evening!” and in the evening, “If only it were morning!” – because of the terror that will fill your hearts and the sights that your eyes will see.” Deut 28:15,20, 28-29, 65-67
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The Cursed Life of Unforgiveness
Are you, like Lori in today’s recording, racked with mental anxiety and torment? Are you feeling the weight of resentment, anger, and unforgiveness? Does your mental or physical health and heart look like it is under a curse? Many of us cling to past hurts, replaying offenses, compiling evidence of wrongdoing. We become our own judge and jury, demanding our own justice and refusing to let go. But this self-appointed role, this island of unforgiveness, comes at a steep price. It blocks our access to God’s blessings, steals our peace, and traps us in a cycle of torment.
As the Apostle Paul wrote in Galatians 5:25, “Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.” Unforgiveness is profoundly out of step with the Spirit. It leads to anxiety, stress, and as Deuteronomy 28 warns, eventually mental illness, as part of God’s curse on our disobedience. It hinders our relationship with God, because, as Christ taught in Matthew 18:21-35, unforgiveness makes us like the wicked servant who, having been forgiven a massive debt, refuses to forgive a smaller debt owed to him. Just as that servant was thrown into prison, we too imprison ourselves when we refuse to forgive and trust God as the great Judge of all the earth.
Some cling to their hurt, saying, “But how can I just let it go? What about justice?” True justice, ultimate justice, comes from God. As Romans 12:19 reminds us, “‘Vengeance is mine; I will repay,’ says the Lord.” Trusting God with justice means trusting that He who formed the ear, hears, and He who formed the eye, sees. (Psalm 94:9). It means relinquishing our need to control the outcome. It means stepping out in faith onto the bridge of forgiveness and moving on with our life and work in the Lord, even when it feels risky and uncertain. Like Peter stepping out of the boat, we must trust God to harden the water beneath our feet. The first step onto that bridge is always the hardest – releasing the evidence, the record of wrongs, the justification for our anger. But on the other side of that bridge awaits the island of life to the full, an island of peace, contentment, and freedom from the tormenting thoughts that plague us.
This isn’t about condoning the wrong done to us, nor about not even sharing with others the wrongs done to us, when done in a righteous way. David told Samuel all the evil done to him by King Saul (1 Samuel 19:18), hence why we have such a robust record of it in the Bible for our learning and encouragement. I too have told for years about the wrongs committed against me and my five children, by my first spouse, but following David’s example, I never took my own justice or attempted revenge. We both told the stories of the extraordinary evil done to us, but we both trusted the One who judges justly to judge our enemies. Forgiveness is about choosing to live in the obedience Christ commands, and freedom He offers. It’s about exchanging our heavy, curse inviting burden of unforgiveness, and exchanging it for the lightness and sweetness of God’s grace. Choose forgiveness today, and step out of the curse, and into the LIFE God intends for you. Remember, God is just and he promises to eventually trouble those who trouble you (2 Thessalonians 1:6), so just give all the offense to Him and be patient to wait His timing!
