09 - Pat – “How can I be in another unequally yoked marriage?”
“Subject: Please pray with me
Message: I can’t even believe I am reaching out to anyone.
I remember being 5 years old swinging on my swingset singing “I surrender all” and hearing through a knowing, my heavenly father whisper to me, do you really mean it? Will you really surrender everything to me? It drew my attention to the words I had been singing and I thought yes, I will surrender all to You Lord Jesus.
Life wasn’t perfect, but I grew in knowledge of my Savior. I depended upon Him. I allowed Him to lead me.
I sought His guidance on marriage and He directed me. It wasn’t easy to walk out everything within that marriage but I never questioned God and I grew closer and closer to my Lord because of it. What the devil meant for evil, God would provide miracle after miracle to rescue me. After 18 years God showed me that I was released from the marriage and I would not be held accountable. I did not understand it. But, I was grateful. I later learned about God allowing divorce when a spouse is acting treacherously.
The one thing God required of me was that I remain a faithful loving wife, honoring my husband even though he acted dishonorably until the very end of the marriage.
I failed! Miserably! I am so ashamed and heartbroken that after all the years of obedience to my Lord. I failed Him in this. It took 5 more years to extricate myself from that marriage.
To make a long story short. In my sin, I could not face God. I no longer felt his daily presence.
I became fearful of how I would take care of myself having been stripped of everything including my health getting out of that marriage.
I remarried without much prayer, deluding myself that this man had a reverence for God even though he isn’t walking the walk. We discussed our faiths briefly during courtship, and I was led to believe that he was a believer like me, and maybe not in a yielded state but desired to be, kind of like me at that time.
We have been married for 2.7 blissful years. I have felt so incredibly blessed in this marriage while heartbroken over the alienation of my daughter and grandchildren.
Everything I had ever prayed for my ex-husband during that marriage seemed answered in this marriage. I have felt, safe, supported, encouraged and cared for very deeply. We have been 2 peas in a pod and in agreement on almost everything. Our thoughts have been one, we consider one another. It has been so incredible.
However, recently the Lord has been stirring in both our hearts. My husband began to read the bible, and it blessed me so much. I was so thrilled that he was taking the spiritual leadership in our home. I just could not believe how much joy I have within this marriage and now, God was bringing the marriage to new heights of joy. I thought.
However, my husband sat me down and was leading me through scripture to my salvation. On the one hand, I could feel incredible tears of joy welling up inside me that someone cared about the condition of my soul. But, I was completely dismayed by his understanding of the scriptures and the facts that his beliefs are that the “church of Christ”, is the only true church. And anyone outside of the “church of Christ” group is not part of God’s true church.
They have other doctrines that I do not believe are scriptural. Every piece of church information begins with how wrong other churches are. Yet, they speak of unity, although it is meant as unity with them and their beliefs.
My husband has no understanding of the holy Spirit and he says signs, wonders, miracles, and gifts of the spirit are not for today. When I say God showed me or spoke to me he gets upset and says do you mean you thought it?
I have remained meek and gentle my whole life, but I am finding that I am yelling at my husband who is trying to force me to adopt his beliefs. This is becoming a huge wedge between us.
I am in shock; I feel like I have been duped. That I betrayed myself.
At first, I thought, he has been deceived by this church, so I anointed some cloth and prayed over it, placing it in his pillow. I anointed his work hat with oil praying that God would open the eyes of his heart. At this moment, we have just had a knockdown drag out yelling match over scripture interpretations. I don’t know why I cannot stop being provoked. I know I cannot win him to the faith in this way.
I am feeling so sick about this whole thing. I know the answer, but I want to ask how can this be happening? How could I have missed God, and not waited for His best? How can I be in another unequally yoked marriage? I do know the answer to those “how’s”. But it still feels like such a shock.
Please pray for my husband. For his salvation. For the spiritual deception to be removed from his eyes and heart.
Please pray for me,
Thank you,”
2024 UPDATE: In a 2024 follow up email from Pat, I found an unexpected response from her previous situation. She reported that the Lord had given her much grace and much peace in her marriage, even happiness, despite the spiritual differences. She was no longer willing to attend service with her husband at the Church of Christ, and he accepted it. Her husband has been a man of integrity and has treated her with love and kindness.
When the Brook Dries Up: Finding Hope in the Wilderness
Sister Pat’s email from 2017, recounting her 2nd unequally yoked, re-marriage, and the resulting pain and confusion, echoes a familiar cry of many in the wilderness of faith. Like Elijah at Kerith, we find ourselves in situations where God allows the brook to dry up, where the blessings and comforts we once relied on vanish. Today's message is about navigating these dry seasons, remembering God’s faithfulness, and learning to trust in the Giver, not just the gifts.
Pat's story began with childlike surrender, a sweet moment swinging on a swing set, singing "I Surrender All." Life wasn't perfect, but she grew in her knowledge of her Savior, depended on Him, and sought His guidance. He directed her in marriage, and even though it wasn’t easy, she obeyed and grew closer to the Lord. What the devil meant for evil, God used for good, providing miracles and rescuing her time and again. Then, after 18 years, God released her from that marriage.
She remarried, believing her new husband was a believer like her. They experienced blissful years, her prayers seemingly answered. Then, her husband began studying Scripture, leading her through verses about salvation. While initially filled with joy, she became dismayed by his interpretation, his adherence to a legalistic doctrine that excluded all but their specific group. Disagreements turned into arguments, and Pat found herself yelling, feeling sick, shocked, and duped. “How can this be happening?” she cried. “How could I have missed God and not waited for His best?”
Pat's story mirrors Elijah’s experience at Kerith. God provided for Elijah miraculously, sustaining him by a brook. But then, "the brook dried up because there had been no rain in the land" (1 Kings 17:7). This drying up is a painful but necessary part of our spiritual journey. As F.B. Meyer writes, “The education of our faith is incomplete if we have not learned that there is a providence of loss, a ministry of failing and of fading things, a gift of emptiness.”
Kerith was a difficult problem for Elijah until he got to Zarephath. God's hard words are never His last words. The woe, the waste, the tears of life belong to the interlude, not the finale. God uses these trials to refine our faith, to teach us to distinguish between trusting in the gift and trusting in the Giver. The gift may be good for a while, but the Giver is eternal love.
If Elijah had been led straight to Zarephath, he would have missed a crucial lesson in trusting God. He lived by faith at Kerith, and when that earthly resource dried up, he learned that his true hope and help are in God, the maker of heaven and earth. Likewise, our trials are not punishments but opportunities to deepen our faith, to draw closer to the One who never fails, mocks, or disappoints. When the streams of earthly comfort dry up, let Him engage your heart. He will anoint you with the oil of joy and wipe away your tears.
