44 - Taylor - "I feel like I have officially blasphemed God and now is the time for me to be cut off.”
“Name: Taylor Calkins (Taylor Noelle on YouTube, Taylor Meitzner after marriage.)
This was the young lady who put up the video “Why I Stopped Following Michael Chriswell” on Sept 29, 2022.
Subject: A major spiritual attack
Message: Hi Micheal,
I’m a girl from North Carolina - My name is Taylor and I’m in the 10th grade. I have written to you on YouTube before and shared my testimony to you. I was the one who told you that at the age of 14 (2 years ago) I went to a mental hospital because of all the spiritual warfare faced. I also shared with you how lonely it was being a Christ follower in high school. I have no friends, not even in the Christian club. I sit alone at lunch in the library reading my Bible - and I always considered it such an honor and joy to have Jesus as my only friend. School seemed a little less dark after finding your videos, I have been planning to only ask for Christmas a couple of your devotionals (along with some other Christian books) and hand them out to teachers that I felt God was calling me to. Your new book has also been very encouraging to me. My heart has been drained of the desire for anything else in this world but God, I desire Him so much. I fill up 100% of my free time with spending time with God because I don’t desire doing anything else, including some days waking up at 4 to be able to be refreshed in Him before school. I’ve prayed prayers that he will send anything my way (good or bad) that will make me closer to Him. My biggest dream is maybe one day finding a future husband that also loves God and we can start a little ministry together to share God’s truth. I started a YouTube channel in hopes for people at my school to find God, but then gave it up to God after watching the “faith and faith” video and decided rather to wait on God’s command to.
Big brother, honestly I thought that the next time I would be talking to you would be in heaven telling you everything that your videos has helped me with, but these last two days I have experienced such major spiritual attacks. I feel like, even though everything I have stated is true, I’m making myself sound a lot better than I am. I was reading my Bible days ago and I was reading the passage about the unforgivable sin the thought “Jesus is evil” darted across my mind, and I feel like I have officially blasphemed God and caused the Holy Spirit grief. The same God that has been holding onto my hand my whole life and that died for me, I have caused grief. What have I done Micheal? I tried telling God how sorry I was and that the though felt uncontrollable, I feel as though I have made an irreversible mistake and this is the time that I get cut off. I’ve been in such despair over this that i have gotten physically sick. Though your spiritual warfare videos helped me understand what was happening to me 2 years ago, I feel like this is worse because I’ve never blasphemed God only because I didn’t know what that meant. I thought I had moved past this and that I was much farther down the road in faith than this but now all I see is darkness. I absolutely will not give up chasing God, it’s so ingrained in me it’s all I know how to do, but I just need some hope. I don’t want this to obscure my view of God, because all I can envision is Him looking down on me with disgust. I know He is infinitely good, and I trust Him, I just don’t trust myself. Sorry for all of this. I know you get a ton of messages, so I hate to add to your pile. I completely understand if you can’t write back. Regardless, though I feel condemned I know that His will is better than mine. Thanks for all you do in your ministry. - Taylor
”
When Spiritual Warfare Turns Dark: A Cautionary Tale
Have you ever felt like your faith was under attack like Taylor in today’s recording? Have you experienced blasphemous thoughts trying to erode your trust in God, causing you to have so many doubts? This is a common experience for believers, and Taylor’s story is a tragic reminder that Satan is not just trying to give you a hard time; He is trying to devour your faith and send your soul to hell.
The Bible speaks about spiritual warfare, not for a stimulating study topic, but as a very serious warning. Ephesians 6:12 tells us, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."
Difficult experiences are sent by God, for the proving of our faith to be genuine (1 Peter 1:7). But today, there is an epidemic of counterfeit faith, people who may sincerely desire and feel a love of Christ, but who are fighting Satan, while not in possession of a true saving faith. Jesus may even say to some, “You are not far from the kingdom of God.” There is no way you can win a spiritual battle against Satan without a true saving faith. “They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away.” (Luke 8:13)
Once our faith has been tested, and proven true, we must continue to fight the good fight of faith, putting on the full armor of God, and keeping ourselves in His love (Jude 1:21).
Taylor sought answers in her struggles, but her search led her down a path of deception. First into the clutches of a cult, then into the extreme opposite of a dead form of Christianity which denies its power (2 Timothy 3:5). Then she allowed Satan to use her to cast evil suspicions on this ministry, leading thousands away from Christ’s work and truth in this ministry. Finally, today she can be seen on her new godless YouTube channel (2 Timothy 2:16), speaking of her insatiable desire to read 68 fiction books this year, setting worldly goals for her life, and living exactly like the worldlings around her, without giving one mention of God, Christ, or faith.
Her story reminds us that our enemy the devil so often succeeds in devouring the faith of many (1 Peter 5:8) and that if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you do not fall (1 Corinthians 10:12).
