34 – Dorothea - “The more I try to seek God, the less I desire Him, and the more I become discouraged.”
NOTE: Dorothea had grown up in a Seventh Day Adventist Family, no doubt a victim of much “legalism” which was at the root of her spiritual problems. People coming out of false denomination and religious systems, where they have been presented with false Christ’s, false gospel’s and false spirits, need also, to first question, whether they have ever been truly born again by the true Spirit of Jesus Christ.
“Hi Brother Michael,
Thanks again for the articles you have sent me. There is still something I don’t understand.........
I CONTINUALLY pray, read my Bible, and have recently incorporated MORE praise and thanksgiving in my prayer life (since I see that I owe God MUCH).........
But it seems like the more I employ those disciplines, including clinging to God continually, the less I desire Him, the less I desire to witness and evangelize, the more far away God seems, and the more discouraged I become. Then on top of that, how other Christians tell me I should be doing more (like standing up for the truth, etc.) when I can barely keep my head up above water......and also listening to sermons.........it’s like adding more bricks and makes me want to throw in the towel. Sermons discourage and burden instead of encourage me.........I feel sermons overwhelming now. I don’t share my struggles with anyone because it is met with more condemnation and what other Christians tell me really doesn’t help. I used to listen to other Christians and follow their advice but always got hell as a result.
It’s nice to read everything, but how to make sense of all this (living obedient, trying to encourage myself, claiming promises, confessing sin (especially unbelief) when I see it, implementing spiritual disciplines, etc).........but how did you cope with increasing hell, when God is silent and distant, and feeling like you will drown and all the efforts are in vain?
Shouldn’t you have at least an ounce of joy? Isn’t joy one of the fruits of the spirit? Don’t we as Christians suppose to have joy in the midst of trial? Shouldn’t our desire for God at least not decrease? I understand that God’s discipline is not joyous in the moment, but that means our desire for Him also decrease and more of His Word (through sermons and exhortations) is overwhelming? It just doesn’t make sense to me all these years employing spiritual disciplines, trying to share my faith (and being met with brick walls or hell each time) that my light is dimming instead of shining brighter.
It makes no sense to me not even having anything to say to the person sitting next to me (I am not much of a conversation starter with strangers) that is actual bread as much as I have read the Bible. I feel like someone who is continually learning but never coming into the knowledge of the truth DESPITE employing spiritual disciplines.
I am writing, not as someone who is trying to use you as a crutch........but as someone who has tried and is trying to employ the spiritual disciplines but see nothing but rotten fruit in her life and is frustrated.
I have REPEATEDLY confessed to God ALL gross sins I see in my life (especially times when I have lashed out at God in my anguish) and CONTINUALLY repent and ask for help in my unbelief, selfishness, self-righteousness, pride, hypocrisy, FEAR OF MAN, any unforgiveness (and even pray for the person who has hurt me when I remember the incident), self-absorption and self-idolatry (and all other idolatry I could think of).....
I have even gotten to the point of questioning if I am truly born again and asked God for rebirth. BUT STILL NO JOY IN THE MIDST OF TRIAL.........still prayers seemingly hit the ceiling............my desire for God is seeming to DECREASE and desire to share my faith and evangelize is pretty much gone. This is why I am writing........where am I going wrong that these results are happening? This discouragement is so strong that it is hard for me to function day-to-day like I usually do (in my studies, interpersonal relationships, etc). I just feel like a zombie........just existing.”
· Christianity cannot be done in your own strength.
· Exhaustion in the Christian life often comes from trying to live under the law.
· True strength comes from abiding in Christ and receiving His anointing.
· Recognizing your worthlessness apart from Christ is crucial for spiritual growth.
· Humility and patience are essential for receiving God's grace.
Embracing Your Nothingness: Finding Everything in Christ
Are you weary in your Christian Walk, like Dorothea, trying so hard to be righteous and to please God, to find Him and to love Him? Are you feeling exhausted from striving to maintain spiritual disciplines, rather than refreshed? Dear friend, you're experiencing a common struggle. Many try to live the Christian life in their own strength, placing themselves under the law's burden. But Jesus calls us to come to Him for rest (Matthew 11:28). He doesn't expect us to achieve righteousness through our own efforts.
This feeling of worthlessness, while uncomfortable, is a crucial step in your spiritual journey. It’s in recognizing our nothingness that we truly discover everything in Christ. 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV84) tells us, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Embrace this weakness. Acknowledge your utter dependence on God.
Pride can be a significant stumbling block. It whispers that we can achieve spiritual growth through our own will and effort. But God opposes the proud and gives grace to the humble (James 4:6; 1 Peter 5:5). Like the Israelites failing to keep the 613 laws, we too will fall short when we rely on ourselves. Surrender your pride and admit your powerlessness. Confess to God, “I am nothing, but You are everything.”
This process takes time and humility. It requires confessing not only that God is better than us, but that we are nothing without Him. The faster we embrace this truth, the faster we’ll find fullness in God. He longs to pour His abundant grace into your heart, but first, He must break the hold of natural human pride and self-reliance.
Waiting on God is not passive inactivity. It's an active posture of humility and faith, recognizing He is the one who works in us "to will and to act according to his good purpose" (Philippians 2:13 NIV84). Stop striving for righteousness in your own strength. Wait for God to act on your behalf, to give you His faith, strength, His Spirit, and His grace. Position yourself to receive His help through absolute humility, acknowledging your complete dependence on Him. He will meet you there.
