Doubting Your Salvation
Transcript
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On March 12th, 2015, I shared a YouTube sermon with my parents called False Believers by the late Doctor Martin Lloyd-Jones. The message was so compelling that my stepfather became very concerned about his true spiritual condition. The next day, I made a recording for him to address his concerns from the Bible and to share how you can know if, in fact, the Spirit of Christ is living in you.
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After listening, my parents suggested that I share this message on my site. So this is shared with their permission. Remembering it is very wise and a commandment of God for us to examine ourselves and test ourselves to see if we are truly in the faith, just as Paul commanded in second Corinthians 13 five. Good morning stepfather. I'm sitting before my Bible this morning.
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I have a meeting in about an hour and a half, but I just wanted to capture some thoughts. I've been just sitting before my open Bible thinking about, what mom had mentioned to me last night about you being really troubled, if you will, by the message that you saw. And I want you to know that I think that is a fantastic praise to God thing, because many women run without any conviction and live their life without any examination.
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Isn't it interesting? As soon as I say those words, my eyes go to Lamentations chapter three, verse 40. Let us examine our ways and test them. Praise be to God. I did not plan this. I have my Bible open. I was looking at a different passage and just as I said those words, my eyes look at Lamentations 340.
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Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord. So many men do not think of their own ways. They give no thought in comparing how they act, how they think, and how they behave, and how that measures against the law of the Lord, against the Word of God. Scripture. And so you find God being merciful to men like me, who I have always said, father, why is it that you pushed my train off of the tracks before I ran it off the cliff?
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You know, this is very much a part of my story that I, in my own folly, zeal without knowledge, dealing for certain that I was right about how I was living, had the pedal to the metal and was headed on my mission. But God began to tell me, Michael, you're making progress, but you're headed in the wrong direction, son.
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And so God, in his mercy, began to warn me, so I praise God. Second Corinthians 13 five Paul says, examine yourselves. Test yourselves to see whether or not you are in the faith, and if the Spirit of Christ is truly in you. It talks about this in Romans as well. And Paul poses the question, If the Spirit of Christ is in you, you will no longer be a slave to sin, but a slave to your righteousness.
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So here are just a couple of thoughts that I wanted to capture as they're kind of fresh on my mind. Just basics. To me, this is something that is very, very simple to address. This is not something that need to be complicated. This isn't something that you need to sit down and read a bunch of books about and get off.
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To me, this is very, very, very, very simple. Okay. And so what I want to do is I want to warn you against thinking that it's not simple. Remember, Jesus teaches that unless we change and become like little children, we cannot enter the kingdom of God. And Jesus praises his father, that the father was pleased to reveal these things to babes, hiding them from the wise and the prudent and the learned.
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It is a matter of simplicity, but there is a scriptural matter as well. So it's not just man's ideas. These are not my ideas. These are the things that are coming to my heart. I have made this exact journey. I am not thoroughly convinced that I was saved before October 30th of 2009. I am in fact, on the contrary, I am convinced that all of those 19 years that I would have lived.
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Oh boy, I'm emotional thinking about it. I'm afraid I would have been one of those ones who would have stood before the father. And through Jesus Christ, I would have heard the words away from me, you evildoer, I never knew you, and I would have said, but, Lord, I sat in church all those years. But, Lord, you don't understand.
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I watched the single parent mom's cars, but Lord, I was the emcee for the men's group. But Lord, I was being, you know, mentored by good men. And I was all going to small groups and I studied the Bible and I read the word and he would say, flee from me. I never knew you detailed to put my words into practice.
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Michael. I was a hobby to you. I was an interesting subject to you. I was an idea to you. But I was not your Lord. I did not know you personally. I did not have experienced your relationship. Two way communication with you. I never knew you. So, Bob, I want you to know that it is the Lord's mercy to you that he has opened your eyes exactly as he did mine.
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Please do not look down upon yourself for one minute, not even one circuit. This is a glorious thing that I wish would happen to more men. In fact, this is inspired me. I am going to do a an in-depth teaching. You know that this message has been in me in various forms for the last couple of years, as I have challenged people to answer the question, do you know about God or do you know him?
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And to please understand the difference? And so this is something that I beg men and women of God to answer the question in my, my, my dear stepfather, I want you to know that the UN believable, tragic realities is that the majority of the people around us in churches do not know the father, the majority. And when I say majority, I'm not talking 55%.
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I am telling you that I feel confident before the father, and I know I have the Spirit of Christ in me, that it is 10 to 12 to 15% or less of the people that are sitting in churches that actually have the spirit living and abiding in him, that are remaining in Christ and Christ is remaining in them that are the true born again believers in the church.
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That's why we see so many things happen, like what we saw when that lady who walks up to our door here at this house and claims the name of Jesus Christ, claims fellowship and membership, one of the largest churches, and you and I know as she walks away, she's a member of the Church of Satan. We know this and it's rampant.
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And so having said that, here is the basic thoughts that I have on this and that I don't know your heart, mom. And you live together. I've lived with you. I've seen. I have some thoughts, I have some ideas. And I want you to know that I have been praying for this day for you, that I have been praying for a day that you would experience a spiritual breakthrough.
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And so this is an answer to prayer for me, but I do not know what goes on inside of your heart, so I don't. It is not my business to be your judge and jury in any, any more than it is for me to be that for anyone. I can point out things to people that are outside of Scripture if they share to me.
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But what I would rather do is to share with you what I believe the answer is. Even from speaking directly from my own experience, the reality is that I am now here and I was not always here. And so the question that I have begged the father is, how did we get from there to here? Okay, so the first thing that happened for me to help break me free from the delusion that I was under, that I was okay, when in fact I wasn't, was that God allowed some very difficult trying circumstances into my life and the fruit in my heart was not fruit of righteousness, and it was not the fruit of the spirit.
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I did not have joy in my heart anymore. My testimony to the world is that I was torn between my love of money and my love of God. I wanted desperately to find more of God. I had been hungry for him. I had been reading the word every day. So there was a hunger for more of God. But there was also a desire for these other things.
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Now keep in mind my desires for other things, and your desire for other things, and our neighbor's desire for other things might be different. But nonetheless, there was a choking to the word. I believe my seed with. So I believe that I was a believer in Jesus Christ, and I believe the Holy Spirit had been trying to bring conviction in my life, but I had not yet received the stealing of the spirit, which is what I now believe I possess, is that I am sealed with the spirit.
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It is the only way that you can explain the things I have been able to endure, the things I've been able to experience, the words I've been able to speak now in other people's lives recently without me having any no knowledge of them whatsoever. God is giving me the ability to see things that I cannot see, the ability to believe him for things that I cannot in my own self believe.
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There is a power in my walk that there never was. If you just rewind six years ago and this power is it is continuing to increase. And it's been much on the increase just in the last six months. So there's a sanctification and an increase of the filling. But what the main difference was is again, I had no joy.
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I had anxiety in my heart. There was no sense of rest. There was great uncertainty. And so what began to happen is possibly through a series of messages, maybe by Charles Sterling did by this book made me by that I began to conclude that I was missing something. And so here became the cry of my heart to the father.
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Now, please know, I think that what I'm about to say to you is the most important part of my testimony. I think that it is without a doubt, it is what saved my soul. It is what helped me to finally break through the veil of all of my flesh, and to cut through all of the thorns that have been choking off my seed.
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Luke 813 and to break into the Holy of Holies. And it took some time. It is not like what we see in movies or in church, where a man goes forward at the raising of a hand, at an altar call, and in one moment he is completely changed and altered forever. Yes, this can happen, but being born again rarely happens through a person simply uttering a prayer.
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In fact, the sinner's prayer doesn't even exist in the Bible. When the Bible talks of being born again, it doesn't say you pray a prayer. And that's the formula. Signed, sealed, delivered. No, the Bible speaks of obedience and purity of heart. I'm getting to this that come first. There's a conviction. So what happened with me is I'm convicted.
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There's no rest. There's no joy, there's no peace. And so I begin. Every morning sitting on that house deck, I begin to pray a prayer like this. Oh, God, I want to know you, father. I want to be filled with your spirit. I had a desire. I would ask him to fill me with the spirit. Okay? The Bible even teaches this, that in one passage in Matthew 711 it says, if you, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your heavenly father, how much more will the Heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask?
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Another gospel interprets that passage. How much more will the Heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask? And I will tell you that the Holy Spirit is the best of his presence, and it is the best of his gifts. And so I begin to ask the father, Lord, fill me with your spirit. Okay? The other part of my prayer was, Lord, shine the light of Christ on the dark spots of my heart.
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I prayed this every single day. Not every single day. I prayed because what I was telling God is that I knew I had blind spots. I could not see. I knew that there had to be some things going on in my heart that I was not able to discern or detect, that were most certainly in the way of the workings of the Holy Spirit and of the full measure of God that I most desired.
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And so I began to ask the father, you, God, have all wisdom and have all knowledge. Lord, show to me. And this was sincere, and I prayed this every day. This was not a one time prayer. I did not sit before the Lord and say, show me the dark spots of my heart, oh Lord, and now I'm on my way.
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No, I prayed it every day and then I prayed these prayers. I prayed, Lord, mold me and shaped me into the image of the Lord Jesus Christ, that you may be glorified in me. This was another part of my prayer that I prayed every day over and over. And finally I prayed the most deadly, yet most beautiful part of that entire prayer.
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And I know this was love of the spirit. I prayed, Lord, have your way with me. Have your way with me. And so this what you see is a man humbling himself before his God. Let's just read that rewind by God's mercy, not of any account of the man. God allows the man to know there is something wrong.
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There's something missing. You may be making progress, but you're heading in the wrong direction. And this is the message to the Lord. There is more. Come closer. And so he allowed me to experience an ease in my spirit. Something is missing. And so I began to inquire of the Lord about this. And so the very first thing I do is I say, father, I, something is missing.
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I want to be filled with your spirit. So there's a desire even Tozer says there must be a desire. If there is no desire to be filled, there will be no filling. A man must desire. And this is what I see in you as you have a desire. You have been like me, diligently searching the scriptures, diligently showing up in the word you have been pressing through.
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And yet the only thing missing is the breakthrough. You have yet to experience the the breakthrough, the object of all of your desire and effort, yet escapes you. If I'm hearing what my mom has said to me and what I believe I see in you, it escapes you. And this is good because it escaped me. And so I began to press in on this desire, this awareness.
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So again, rewinding there is the awareness, then there is the building of a desire. I want this to be gone, I want different, I want you in measure and fullness. And so then I begin to pray, God, help me to see the dark spots in my heart. All right. So what is an example of that? I will I will give you two the first thing that the father showed me.
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And I'm saying he's showing you this. The first thing the father showed me that there was areas of impurity in my heart. So in Matthew five verse eight says, blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Okay. So there's a there's a demand. Paul. Peter even says, now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the word of truth.
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So there is a purifying yourselves. Jesus even says that if you obey my commands, I will go to the father, and he will send a counselor. So the prerequisite to receiving the Holy Spirit is a is an intentional measure of obedience, a purity of heart. It doesn't mean that you're completely pure. To me, it means there is a sincere measure of purity of heart desired and an action on it.
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So you recognize that there's some things in your heart that need to go. It's a cleaning of house. The Holy Spirit lives in your heart, if you will. And so he will not inhabit a dirty heart. He will not inhabit. He is pure. He is this. Imagine a white, pure dove. He would not live in a house where there is smoke.
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And so we must clean house. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. So this is where I began to ask the father, Lord, there's purity. There's impurity in my heart that I'm not even aware of what it may be show up to me now. This is a prayer that the father will absolutely, 100% be guaranteed to answer any man who will humble himself before his God and say, show me, oh, God created me a pure heart.
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As the psalmist says, search me. Test me to see if there is any impure way in me. David says, I did not know it at the time, but this was the exact spirit led prayer I had been praying. And so at this point, God honors my prayer in the first thing he shows me. Michael, you have unforgiveness in your heart.
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And this was perplexing to me because I felt for certain that because I had been so freely able for all these years to talk about the things that had been done to me in the past and all of the dysfunctions and all of the betrayals and all of the abandonment. I felt absolute certain that I had, in fact, forgiven those people.
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What God had showed me is that I was self deceiving, that I had not forgiven, that I had not reached a level of even being able to pray for those people. But I had I had been able to talk about them openly, but I had not fully released them. And so God began to teach me about this. And so I very humbled myself.
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And I even made a phone call to a few people and said, I need to let you know that I forgive you. This was something that I felt the Lord had led me to do, and I did because I took it seriously. So there was now an addiction to my faith. God could see my faith and my actions were working in unison.
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And so from this point forward, the next thing God would begin to show me is how deceived I was in thinking about good circumstances and finances. I remember sitting on the front porch or that back porch many times, believing that any time now God was going to make me a millionaire because this is how God would show the world that he was with me and that I would now have credibility.
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And this was a lie. Then God began to speak to me. Michael, I am primarily in the heart restoration business, not the checkbook restoration business. I am more interested in your spiritual maturity than I am in your having better circumstances. And so from there, I began to realize that I have. I have these bad ways of thinking in my heart there, I think, very differently than how the Holy Spirit is thinking.
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And so God began to change my way of thinking in some things. And there again, this brought about and more purity of heart. And as you know and as you can testify, this is only just the icing on the cake. I'm talking to you about. There has been many, many more things God has shown me that I thought I was right in, and in fact, I was wrong.
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But there's no need to fret about those or to be anxious about those, because it is the job of the Holy Spirit to do that work, not mine. It was my job to surrender, in my job to desire, in my job to yield to him, in my my job, to clean the house as he revealed in answer to my prayer, the things that were impure and in his way.
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So my specific bottom line request to any person that would pose this question to me would be this. Do you desire the power of the Holy Spirit in your life? Do you desire to be taken over, and are you willing to be taken over by this spirit who will demand everything that you have? He will not take up residency in your heart and say, you get to have 75.
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I will take 25. He will not go for 5050. He will not go for him having 75 and you having 25. He demands on and 1433 any man that comes to me that does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple. Matthew 1620 for anyone who comes after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.
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It is all or none, all or none. And so a man must sometimes be driven to this place where he completely surrenders, and heaven looks down to see if that surrender is sincere. It must be sincere. It cannot be that a man sees a group of people over there having fun and having some measure of the spirit, or some measure of the spiritual fellowship that he does not have.
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And so he says, I want that in a moment. No, it has to be a hungering. It has to me that heaven looks down as the Bible says, man looks down upon the sons of men to see if there are any who seek God, if there are any, who know him and desire him. Any who do good. And so God looks and sees a man who is hungry, and God fills hungry men.
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God does not fill men that are not hungry men that are satisfied with the world will not be filled. Men that are satisfied with just a lukewarm existence in Christianity will not be filled. Men who want the circus act, men who want the parlor tricks will not be filled with the Holy Spirit. It is only men who are desperate for him and him alone, who want him and nothing else.
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They cannot say, I want God it. When you put the end in, as Tozer says, you have lost before, you have begun, it must be that we desire. God owns. We must have the desire to be filled. We must be willing to pay the cost, and we must be willing to clean the house. The father, in his goodness, in his faithfulness, will reveal to us those areas of our heart which are yet to be occupied, of the Spirit of God, which lead to our powerlessness, which lead to the lack of rest, which lead to the lack of contentment, which lead to the lack of freedom from sin, which lead to the lack of evangelical fruit
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in our life, which lead to the lack of spiritual fruit in our life. We will not see the love, the joy, the peace, the patience, the kindness, the goodness, the gentleness, the self-control, the fruits of the spirit. We won't see them in full measure. They'll be here. There is a hint. There'll be. There is a sample of what is to come in the heart of a man who falling, yields himself.
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This has been my experience, and it continues to be my experience. I'm not even able to draw a line to connect between the the current experience I'm having and the experience I had for 19 years as a Christian. There's almost no way to even make a connection to the two. It is so completely, radically different. It is truly indescribable.
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It is truly indescribable. The spirit fills you with power even now as I speak. It is not me speaking. I'm not reading words. I'm not these words. This is this is what happens. The Holy Spirit begins to take over and give utterance. And there is power in what a man says. There is no power in the pulpit of a man whose heart is not pure, who understands about his God, but who does not yet know him.
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There's there's total difference. So you can be a man of much theology, a man of much biblical understanding, a much man of much head knowledge about God, and still not have the first inch of relationship with him. And so, if I may again, I want to declare to you that any man who would sincerely doubt his salvation, and wants to know if in fact, he has been truly born again, this in itself is a blessing from God that a man should have his pride broken through by the Spirit of Christ, that he might be given an opportunity to self.
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Inventory is a gift from God, not that that man himself cannot muster up on his own. So receive this gift from the Spirit of God that he sends a light that is going off that says check engine. And so now do it by yourself. Get before the Lord, and begin to cry out and show him that you have a desire to be sealed by His Spirit.
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Show him that you have a desire to purify your heart, and as he brings any habit, any thought pattern, any area in your life that is ungodly, get it out, clean it out, get rid of it. It must be dealt with and done. And this is how God will see that a man is sincere. When he sees that a man picks up a broom and begins to lead us out.
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This, then the Bible teaches God will come in and enter in and seal that man. In fact, Paul even teaches this. He says, listen to this. He says, in a house a man has many objects. Some are for noble purposes and some are for a noble purposes. If a man will cleanse himself of the latter, he will be made good, pure, and useful in the hands of the master.
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So here's the thing. The man must cleanse himself. So get the broom. Let the Lord bring whatever it is that's up. That's in his heart for you. And that's in his way. And you clean it out and continue to ask that the Lord would show you. And this will happen. It happened for me. Over a series of months, God began to one at a time.
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Some people describe it as a peeling of an onion. One at a time. God began to show me this subject needs to be dealt with now, Michael. Then this subject needs to be dealt with. Then this subject. This is the process of sanctification where the Holy Spirit, as he takes up residence, he begins to demand more. I want that room of your heart as well.
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I need that closet as well. And the more a man yields himself to this work, participating as a team, cleansing himself, opening the door of each dark room in his heart. One by one, he begins to be taken over, and what you are left with is no longer the man. It is no longer I who live but Christ Jesus who lives in me.
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This is the glorious walk of a man filled with the spirit. And there is nothing in all of life that will compare with it. And oh, how simple it is to achieve for those who will simply humble themselves, as you are now doing, examining yourself before the Lord, then inviting him to have his way in your heart and you will be filled.
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You will be filled. God is faithful to His Word, and he does not love any man that's ever been killed before me more than he does me. And he does not love me any more than he does you, or anyone who will ever have the opportunity to hear this message. God is not a God of favoritism. So receive this word, receive this gift of God's mercy.
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Be on your way to being sealed fully with the Spirit of God. Then what an answer to prayer this journey is. If you have any more questions, I'll be happy to visit with you. Hopefully this will give you a start. It's just simply about a child like humility before God. I love you and I bless you in Jesus name.
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And it is my prayer that God will indeed fill you as you yield to his voice. In Jesus name, Amen.
