January 21, 2010

I Go to Christian Counseling

Excerpt from Ch. 19 of “Astonishing Grace to the Chief of All Fools” (Page 169)

Continued from the “Night of Betrayal” on December 31, 2009…

After the officer left, with the recorder still going, I confronted her on her outright betrayal and she started pleading with me in the softest and calmest voice, telling me over and over that the only reason she called the police was because she was worried about me going out on my motorcycle that night.  Oh, the pain and anger that comes when you see the person who is supposed to love you, completely cut off their conscience, lie right to your face with syrupy sweet words, and yet stabbing you in the back with a knife at the same time?

Proverbs 20:30  Blows and wounds cleanse away evil, and beatings purge the inmost being.

In my spiritual blindness, I felt like an innocent victim at the hands of Keri and the devil.  However, God was looking at me like He looked at Jacob, as a self-sufficient rebel, who needed strong correction and disciplining.  God was working to bring humility, poverty of spirit, and character into my life through all of this, but I remember feeling like this was all just senseless attacks of the devil that would end in destruction.

Job 5:17-19  "Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.  (18)  For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal.  (19)  From six calamities he will rescue you; in seven no harm will befall you.

Who could possibly believe that I would ever want peace with her again, or ever give our marriage another shot after that horrible night? The desire to stay married for my children and the fear of divorce was so strong, that I once again did. 

We had tried marriage counseling in years past, but by the second visit, he began inquiring about her responsibilities for the trouble in the marriage and that was all it took.  She told me on the way home she didn’t like him, and we never went back.  This time, my friend Eddy Moratin and his wife, whom she seemed to respect, came over and mediated a final talk between us, to see if we could come to any terms of peace. 

At the end of that talk, she maintained that I was bipolar and needed to see a psychiatrist, and I was still convinced she had anger and rage problems and needed counseling through our church.  As a last effort to make peace, I reluctantly agreed to go to a psychiatrist for evaluation, if she would agree to go to counseling about her anger.  We both agreed to this in front of Eddy and his wife, but within just days she started making excuses as to why she was not going to go to counseling, so I decided I was not going to go to a psychiatrist. 

Instead, at the recommendation of my friend Larry Smith, I immediately started going through a program at our church called “Restoration counseling”.  I knew I had plenty of issues I needed to deal with from my childhood and I wanted to be the best me that I could be, regardless of what Keri was going to do.

Almost immediately, the counseling had a huge impact on my hope.  I felt like they had all the answers when they started connected my current thinking and behaviors all the way back to my childhood.  I got excited about going to the first few sessions and left feeling such hope for a brighter future, a better me, and a redeemed marriage. 

A major emphasis in the counseling, which was great, was on forgiveness.  I assumed that because I had been able to openly talk about all the abuses in my past, that I had forgiven everyone from my heart, but I began to realize that I probably hadn’t.  They had me write mock letters to all the people who had hurt me the most in my past, pouring out all that they had done to me and how much it hurt, including the bullies.  I cried a lot and then agreed before God, and the two counselors, to forgive all of them. 

This created such a rush of joy in me that I ended up getting on an emotional high that became nothing short of delusional.  I think after being accused for so long of being bi-polar, I was perhaps elated to discover what they believed was the real root of my problems, the issues I faced in my childhood.  To them, I wasn’t bi-polar, I was just wounded; I didn’t need drugs, I needed inner healing.  As a result of this high and such a renewed hope that now our marriage could be saved, I started going home to Keri after each session and taking full responsibility for everything that was going wrong in the marriage.  I started apologizing for the business failures, the bad spending decisions, not doing enough housework, the two cars and a jet boat I bought in the previous 14 years which she hated, not respecting her opinions regarding my business decisions, and for being so often selfish, etc. 

It felt like this was the answer to all our problems and now the marriage would finally be happy.

Let me put in another disclaimer here.  Even though I went through six weeks of counseling and five years of Christian life coaching, today I do not recommend either to anyone, and I don’t even believe in them.  I have yet to find any so called “Christian counseling” or life coaching that isn’t primarily founded on the deceptive Psychological principles of men, with some Scripture added to it to dress it up as Christian.  I also have yet to meet a “Christian counselor” where it didn’t become apparent after some time that they themselves were not walking in the fullness and freedom of Christ.  That then becomes, the blind leading the blind.  The fact is, most counseling simply doesn’t work, and any results you do get are mostly temporary. 

Let me say it plainly, there is absolutely no need whatsoever, at any time, under any circumstances to go beyond what God wrote in the Bible for the needs of your soul or spirit.  Jesus Christ said that His words are spirit and they are life and I can personally testify that they are all we need to know and experience harmony in our souls and reconciliation with God in our spirit.  He did not make any mistakes, and He did not leave out any so called “secrets” that we needed in order to be whole.  The field of Psychology wasn’t even created until 1879 and the millions of Christians living for the nearly 2000 years before that, never missed a single principle they needed to find fullness in Christ because they trusted completely in the living word of God.  You cannot take the counterfeit Psychological principles of men, paint them over with Bible verses, and then expect God to honor them with the power of the Holy Spirit in your life.

Man simply cannot resist the temptation to add to God’s word and principles, creating his own unique approach, or special sauce, but doing so is foolish and dangerous.  If you would like to hear more on this subject along with all the major Bible passages that speak to this subject, please listen to my audio message on YouTube entitled, “Stop Trusting in Man and Depend on God Alone.”

Nevertheless, I too saw some very convincing, but temporary results from my Christian counseling experience.  Not only did it put me on a soulish and emotional high, but Keri immediately responded to this very happily and became peaceful towards me again.  By taking the blame for everything, I was effectively absolving her of all her responsibility in the problems we were having in our marriage and that made her quite happy.