December 14, 2004

Sanctuary with God in the Bahamas 

Early on the morning of Monday December 13th, 2004, I boarded the plane. As we got closer, I looked out the window of the plane, and down upon the crystal blue waters of the Bahama Islands. I felt a sense of excitement and anticipation building in my heart. I remember thinking, “This is real…I’m really doing this. I’m going far away simply to be isolated from everyone and to hear from God.” Everything in my heart had been so murky and disorienting for so long, and I longed to be able to see the next chapter of my life, as clearly as I could see through those crystal blue waters.

It may sound bizarre, but I had also been feeling intimidated about this trip because I didn’t know how to just be still and do nothing. I had been running for so many years, that the concept of being still before God was foreign to me and seemed very unproductive. To help give me some direction, I took a copy of Charles Stanley’s book, How to Listen to God, and read most of it on the trip there.

All these years later, I can’t remember a single thing I read in that book, but I know the biggest thing it did for me, was to increase my faith that God would indeed give me clear guidance for my life. Unfortunately, I have to include the same disclaimer here regarding Charles Stanley. For several years I had such great respect and affection for him, until God opened my eyes to the error of things like denominationalism, sabbath keeping, tithing, and most importantly the “once saved always saved” doctrine.

Once I got settled in at my hotel, I caught a water taxi over to Paradise Island, and started walking down the far end of beach, as far away from the gigantic Atlantis Resort area as I could get. I wanted to be all alone and away from people. I prayed and asked God to help me find a good spot for us to meet. Deep inside of me, I had a strong hope and expectation that God really was going to speak to me and give me clear guidance, but as I walked farther down that white sandy beach, the awkwardness of what I was doing also started to settle in. There were also flaming arrows of doubt. I remember thinking once, “What if I came all this way, spent money we couldn’t really afford, and then I don’t hear from God and come home empty handed…Keri will be so angry with me and I will pay heavily.” Nevertheless, with camera, notepad, water and snacks in hand, I just kept walking in faith.

Hebrews 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

Finally, I came to a perfect spot where there was no one, and it even had some shade while still being on the beach. I dug out a perfectly shaped seat for myself in the pure, sugar like sand dunes. I sat down comfortably with my pen and paper on my lap. Then, I looked out at that gorgeous crystal blue water, took a few relaxing breathes, and asked God to please help me to hear from Him.

For some blessed reason, I was led to write most of my prayers and questions out to God, on paper, rather than just speaking them out. I found this to be such a wonderful thing, especially at that season of my life. It caused me to really slow my thinking down and to meditate on what I was saying.

Over the three days of sitting on that beach, for several hours at a time, I slowly wrote many thoughts and questions to God. I still have those original pages to this day, and they are very dear to me. It is so encouraging to look back almost 13 years later and see the first time I really poured out my heart to God in a crisis, expecting Him to speak clearly to me.

The following are two parts of my journal that I think best encapsulate what God wanted to say to me and to teach me on this trip.

December 14th 2004 - “Father, I have come here today to hear from you about my life and how it fits into your mission. I have made many mistakes over the last couple of years of my life. I am amazed however with what you’ve done in my heart and the changes you’ve made in me. In my spirit I feel like I’m winning in the battle against my flesh, in my struggle with pride and my need for significance. Deep in my heart Lord I feel like you are setting me apart from some special work.

Continuing with the journal entry, I write. “I dream of the day I can share my life and lessons with your church, or do whatever big thing you call me to do.” Let me stop here and praise God. My friend, this dream which God gave me, has indeed already come true in even bigger ways than I had originally imagined while writing those words. Read those words again, and then look at this ministry thirteen years later. Am I not doing exactly what I dreamed? How incredible and faithful is our God!

Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

I continue writing. “In the meantime, Lord, I’m unsure about my business life. I’ve experienced so much turmoil and such a lack of integrity in my employers, that I just about don’t want to work for anybody else. Father, do you even care about what I do for a living? Does my vocation mean anything to you? Father, why am I struggling so much with finding something steady and prosperous? Why haven’t I found someone godly to work with?”

I wish to point out that I was writing very slowly. I would write a sentence or question, and then just pause, reflect, and wait. Again, this was all completely unnatural to me and not easy. After asking that last question about why I haven’t found someone godly to work with, I received my first impression that God was speaking to me. Let me continue with the journal entry and you will see…

“Lord, I feel like I just heard you say to my spirit, “because I can do it on my own.” Is that right? Lord, is it really ok for me to go for it? (Again, long moments of pause) I’m not hearing your confirmation very well, but right now I just had the Proverb come into my mind, “Man makes his plans, but the Lord directs his footsteps”.

There was an unwritten and unspoken understanding in my heart that the Lord was giving me permission to start my own business, and that I didn’t need anyone else as an employer or partner, just He and I. After more waiting and reflecting, I wrote these next words, “Lord, at this point I’m going to go for it. I’m going to make my plans and I’ll count on you to direct my steps. I’ll move forward in freedom until I hear differently from you. I will work at whatever I do, as unto the Lord. I will be diligent in my work and my focus will be on steady plodding. Lord, Keri and I both need some stability in my career for a while. Will you give me that? I promise to quit speculating and to focus on the work and not the money.”

As the story moves forward you will see the life changing direction that ultimately came from these few words. I said many more things to the Lord and wrote many words of thanksgiving to Him. However, I didn’t hear from Him nearly as much as I had expected, and there was a big lesson in that, which He wanted me to learn as well. This becomes clear in my next journal entry from my last day there.

Wednesday December 15th, 2004. “Today is my last day here in the Bahamas. I came here thinking I had to figure out my whole life in three days. I have since discovered that is not the case. I believe the Lord simply wanted to impress upon me the importance of taking regular quality time to seek His face and learning how to position myself to hear from him. I have also had the impression that the Bible needs to remain the foundation of my learning, while the books of men are simply a supplement to the Word. I feel I’m supposed to really dig deep into God’s word.”

A few minutes later I was led to the following two Scriptures.

Psalm 46:10 - Be still and know that I am God.

Psalm 62:5 – Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.

Journaling continues…

“Again, I believe the Lord has just pressed upon my heart a valuable word. I came to the Bahamas expecting to hear some big and profound things from the Lord. I have had a wonderful time seeking His face, and I’ve definitely made some progress. However, I feel like the Lord is telling me that the islands or some distant land is not the only place I can hear his voice. I could just as easily hear from God, while being quiet at home somewhere. I’m sure if the Lord would have spoken volumes to me here, I would have started believing it had to do with the islands and my getting away. I’m quite sure the Lord doesn’t want me going to the islands every time he needs to speak to me. I now see it’s not about the position or location of my body, but rather the position of my heart.”