August 31,2011
Mother Pressures Me to Disobey God and Hire and Attorney to Defend Me in Court
WOW! WOW! WOW! This might be one of the most important entries, I’ve made in sometime.
While driving to FL yesterday, I spent several hours listening to “Desiring God” and praying. At 3:32 my mother called to remind me to contact Bobby’s attorney and see about him representing me at the divorce trial.
About a week ago, my mother and I got into a serious disagreement because she was insisting on me hiring another attorney after we fired my first one, although I had told her that the Lord is telling me not to try to defend myself. I had told her weeks earlier, that I believed the Lord was heavily invested in what was going on behind the scenes in this divorce and that I had the strong impression that he was going to do something “beyond” typical to resolve it, such that he would bring himself much Glory. I heard in my spirit that he would do it in such a way that it would be unusual and not simply because I had a better attorney, etc. This was a very strong feeling and it been confirmed by my reading of 2 Samuel 24:12-15...TWICE!
As I shared my conviction in this with my mother, her frustration began to increasingly grow. She pointed out that I explained to Tyler that night on the phone, the difference between Ignorance and Stupidity. She used that to point out that she believed I was being Ignorant in this matter. Her argument was that I just needed someone to defend me in the trial. I ended up conceding to her at one point and said “Well, maybe I should just do that.” I agreed to call Bobby, while I was in FL to find out the name of his attorney.
While I was driving to FL, she called me to remind me about calling the attorney. Her call came in at 3:32pm. A little while later, I looked down and blatantly saw that is was 5:55. I’ve seen this # several times over the last few weeks and been asking the Lord over and over to tell me what he is trying to tell me. The last few #’s 222 and 444, have both been specific scriptures that the Lord wanted me to see.
555 is not a scripture of any kind that relates to my situations, either as 55:5 or 5:55. So a few days ago, it showed up and the thought occurred to me that..maybe it’s a page # in the Bible, rather than an actual scripture this time, but I never looked, because I didn’t have my Bible on me at the time.
So yesterday, when 555 came up, I felt COMPELLED to see if it was a page #. 2 Kings 19 Entitled “Jerusalem’s Deliverance Foretold.
I didn’t end up reading it, until I got to Larry’s last night. I turn to the page and I see 2 Kings 19 Entitled “Jerusalem’s Deliverance Foretold.
I read it and thought “OH, MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS.” The Lord is trying to speak to me about the divorce attorney and this whole defending myself thing. In this story, King Hezekiah is being threatened by the King of Assyria and being warned, “DO NOT be a fool, for your god will not deliver you out of my hands. Have the gods of the other nations been able to deliver them out of my hands? So, this morning, I re-read and meditated on it. I got on my knees besides Larry couch, and I was forced to turn sideways because of the small space between the couch and the coffee table. I began lifting my hands in prayer to the Lord and asking him to please confirm for me that this is about me NOT hiring the attorney and just completely trusting in HIM, to defend me. While I was praying, I was facing towards Larry’s reading chair and his little book stand with his daily devotionals on it. I looked down and my eyes went straight to Oswald Chambers book, “My Utmost for his highest.”. I felt the impression that there might be a confirmation in it, so I looked up today’s message. Nothing related, so I thought, well, I got the 555 yesterday and read it yesterday, so what does yesterday’s message say. To my utter delight, here is what Yesterday's message said. WOW!!!
My Utmost for His Highest - Oswald Chambers
August 29th, 2011
Jesus said to her, ’Did I not say to you that if you would believe you would see the glory of God?’ —John 11:40
Every time you venture out in your life of faith, you will find something in your circumstances that, from a commonsense standpoint, will flatly contradict your faith. But common sense is not faith, and faith is not common sense. In fact, they are as different as the natural life and the spiritual. Can you trust Jesus Christ where your common sense cannot trust Him? Can you venture out with courage on the words of Jesus Christ, while the realities of your commonsense life continue to shout, “It’s all a lie”? When you are on the mountaintop, it’s easy to say, “Oh yes, I believe God can do it,” but you have to come down from the mountain to the demon-possessed valley and face the realities that scoff at your Mount-of-Transfiguration belief (see Luke 9:28-42). Every time my theology becomes clear to my own mind, I encounter something that contradicts it. As soon as I say, “I believe ’God shall supply all [my] need,’ ” the testing of my faith begins (Philippians 4:19). When my strength runs dry and my vision is blinded, will I endure this trial of my faith victoriously or will I turn back in defeat?
Faith must be tested, because it can only become your intimate possession through conflict. What is challenging your faith right now? The test will either prove your faith right, or it will kill it. Jesus said, “Blessed is he who is not offended because of Me” Matthew 11:6). The ultimate thing is confidence in Jesus. “We have become partakers of Christ if we hold the beginning of our confidence steadfast to the end . . .” (Hebrews 3:14). Believe steadfastly on Him and everything that challenges you will strengthen your faith. There is continual testing in the life of faith up to the point of our physical death, which is the last great test. Faith is absolute trust in God— trust that could never imagine that He would forsake us (see Hebrews 13:5-6).
This is how the Lord regularly communicates and confirms things for me. I feel almost certain, that the Lord is telling me to “TRUST HIM”, not the common sense direction of my friends and family. He is asking me to stand in obedient faith to Him. I feel that he is telling me NOT to hire the attorney and simply show up and watch him do his thing. This absolutely looks like lunacy to everyone around me, but I”m not responsible to them, rather to God. I have trust in HIM, not them and I have known in my spirit for a long time, that God wished to bring himself Glory out of this situation. Praise you LORD for continually teaching me, speaking to me and directing me. I’m NOT WORTHY of this kind of attention from the King of the Universe. I love you so much Lord!!!!