July 9, 2012
Radical Obedience & Satan’s Fierce Opposition
What a morning! Again, the Lord is faithful to me. I have seen 666 several times over the last few days, including on Tyler’s phone while looking at a youtube video and then last night on the car license plate pulling out from Starbucks. God was again warning me, after not seeing 666 more than just a few times in the last several weeks or months. The last time I saw 666 was like 3 times the day I ended up hastily confronting Jill after riding in the car all day long, having my thoughts under attack most of the day. I knew the Lord was warning me strongly that day and I did not stand well under it. I was completely exhausted from several nights of not sleeping well. H.A.L.T – Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired
In a very bizarre occurrence, my Mom walked in right before I called the court, grabbed my hands and prayed (asking in Jesus name of all things) for the judge to see the truth and then said “We will accept whatever the results are God.” This was very weird and I was unsettled praying with her, as she does not live for Christ or follow virtually any of his commands, but I agreed with her in prayer, knowing that I had just committed 2 days before to pray for her and the souls of 3 other woman I know to have their hearts turned to and on fire for God.
The court hearing went badly for me this morning, but I prayed and asked the Lord to help me just stand and accept whatever came my way, without reacting. Keri’s attorney starts out the hearing, asking if I’m in the presence of a notary and when I answer no, she immediately asks the judge to dismiss any testimony I give today and the entire hearing, on the grounds that there is not a notary to confirm that I in fact gave the testimony, etc. She started out, simply trying to squash the hearing based on a legal technicality.
The judge says it wouldn’t be necessary because she was going to have to dismiss the hearing anyway, because I didn’t provide the FULL transcript of the Trial, only the judges recommendations. I asked the judge if there was any way for me to simply get the Final Judgment to accurately reflect the judge’s recommendations. She said that the court would have to dismiss the hearing today and my notice of exceptions and that I would have to seek the advice of an attorney to take the next step. I was hugely disappointed inside, but I politely said, “I understand.”
I had no way of knowing that I needed to get the whole thing transcribed because all the matters I disputed were items only spoken of during his decisions at the very end. It will cost between $1500 and $2000 to get the whole thing transcribed. I don’t have the money for that, so I’m wondering if the Lord even wants me to do that?
The next subject that came up was Keri’s request to visit the kids during my Summertime visitation. Keri’s attorney told the Judge that I was in violation of the parenting plan, which had been approved by the court, and I was now denying access to the Mother for her additional timesharing which would include two 4 day visits by Keri, and 5 hours on Chelsea’s b-day, during my 8 weeks of summertime visitation on Chelsea’s birthday. This was a complete surprise to me. I had never heard anything about two 4 day visits and a visit on Chelsea’s birthday, during my time of visitation. I had only heard that she wanted to come this week, and I knew very well that she was just imposing her desires on the parenting plan, not the judge’s recommendations.
They accused me of not responding to Keri’s request and the judge said “Michael, you must give the mother access to the children if it’s in the parenting agreement.” I explained to the Judge that I had never been given a copy of the proposed parenting plan and I continued by saying, “Your honor, I haven’t refused anything…I’m simply trying to abide by and receive the timesharing afforded me by the Magistrates recommendations, but I will gladly accommodate any recommendations made by this court on the matter.” I went on to explain and read directly from the Magistrate transcript, where he said the proposed parenting plan didn’t have adequate time sharing for me and that the mother would get the first week, the last week and I would get the 8 in the middle.
The judge then replied to Keri’s attorney, “Well, there is no order in place for the court to abide by what you’re saying currently and he has just presented evidence to the contrary so you will have to submit and get that order into the court before I can rule on it. So, I felt a little relief that Keri wasn’t just going to get away with completely running all over me this day.
I was deeply sad and cried when it was all done, because of the blatant evil and injustice that NEVER ends…two years now! Between the breakup with my girlfriend that already has me tore up and now this, it was just a lot to have on my back…I feel the suffering building greatly right now.
I knew I needed to walk away and immediately seek the Lord’s face on this and see what he would have me do in response to this. I must not respond out of my emotions right now.
These are some of the things I sense in my Spirit that the Lord may be wanting me to hear.
I sense that the Lord caused this to happen like this for a very specific reason. I am participating in the sufferings of Christ and the Bible tells me I should rejoice in that! I will not forget that night I woke up, realizing in a moment the three major areas of suffering in my life and immediately hearing “I will show him how much he must suffer for my name. (Acts 9:16)” I am again being tested and I am again being disciplined so that I don’t forget the lesson of FULLY obeying the Lord. Partial obedience is NOT obedience, and I know the Spirit showed me that I wasn’t fully obedient in the divorce trial. I caved in to the pressure to defend myself, when the judge told me it was my turn to cross examine Keri. My friends, trying to do what they thought was best for me, recommended that I stand strong and defend myself and during lunch I began to make a list of very hurtful and wrong things Keri did, so that I could cross examine her and put her on the defense, during the trial. If I had it to do it all over again, I would simply have told the Judge that it’s ok, I have no need to cross examine Keri, but I caved in to the pressure of the day and of others and I disobeyed what God had already told me NOT to do.
I also feel that regardless of what happened today, the Lord is not finished with this, and he can do anything at any time to change the results if he sees fit but only if I will but remain totally dependent and faithful to trust in Him completely.
I have been reading “What Jesus Demands from the World” and George Muller’s Autobiography. I recently felt the desire to “do good to my enemy” as the Lord commanded us. I sense that the Lord has just put me in a position to now “do good” to Keri, my enemy. Because of the court’s ruling to delay allowing Keri to come visit, until an approved order is in place, it’s not likely she would get that through in time for the visit this Thursday.
I believe the Lord would see this as an open-door opportunity for me to “do good to my enemy”. I was reminded this morning in Piper’s book that the purpose of suffering and doing good, etc is that it BRINGS GOD GLORY, when other’s see us doing things that the world would NOT do. It glorifies Christ and shows that he is in us. Piper says, we should desire to do good, not for NO REASON, but for eternal reasons and because we know that doing so, has the specific benefit of bringing Christ glory!
My flesh is saying “No, don’t do this…let her suffer in the bed she made for herself…let her learn the lesson that she can’t bully you continuously and just have her way” and my Spirit is saying “Trust God…Do Good to her.” I am also hearing “Do not resist an evil person…”
I could spend lots of time asking others about this and counseling with others on this or reading books and praying about this, but it’s hard to dismiss the simple fact that Jesus says, “I tell you, do good to your enemies.” It’s hard to get past “Overcome evil with good”, with the justifications of the flesh.
I think it’s becoming more and more obvious that there is no need to pray about just being obedient to the simple commands of Christ. In fact, it would almost seem ridiculous to pray about the obvious. What shall I pray? “Lord, do you REALLY want me to do what you have ALREADY commanded, or is there possibly a reason why your command might not apply in this situation?”
FACT: Keri is my enemy
FACT: “But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.
Luk 6:32-36 "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. (33) And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. (34) And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. (35) But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. (36) Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
So, when does the above NOT apply? When it’s an ex-wife who has been extra evil and has done so much wrong? Is that what Jesus said or did he say “anyone”? I know the answer because I’m crying! I have wanted to do this for a long time, and I have allowed well meaning, but worldly thinking people to talk me out of obeying God’s “radical” words. My flesh is NOT saved, and my flesh STILL knows how foolish this sounds and looks, but I’m not commanded to walk according to my flesh, but rather the Spirit. It’s a choice that I must make out of my will to trust and obey Christ, not something that I will one day FEEL like doing or finally think is a wise thing to do (in my flesh). My flesh will ALWAYS think this is DUMB and RADICAL. My flesh is irretrievably broken, and I must put it to death, by NOT listening to it and NOT feeding it and NOT validating it by listening to it and acting out of it! This is NOT EASY to do…AT ALL!
Gal_5:17 For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.
Rom 12:17-21 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. (18) If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. (19) Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. (20) On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." (21) Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Just two days ago I remembered the words of what I believe was an angel who spoke to me at church that Sunday morning, back in early 2002, and wondered how that even applies anymore, and how can God possibly get any Glory from me now?
She said to me, “God will be magnified and glorified, through your OBEDIENCE.”
Is that not the EXACT reason, I just read in that book where he points out that the reason for our suffering with joy and doing good to those who hurt us, is ALL FOR GOD’s GLORY! It’s the teaching of letting our light shine before men, as he talked about, so that my Father in heaven is Glorified.
I sense it might be best for me to abandon ALL reason and ALL leaning on my own understanding and JUST FINALLY TAKE THE LORD AT HIS WORD!!!! How much do I really trust Him? Haven’t I been begging him on a daily basis to make me more like Jesus? Haven’t I been asking Him to teach me how to obey and to give me understanding and the grace to obey him? Haven’t I asked Him to not remove the suffering until His work was complete? Haven’t I seen and rejoiced greatly in the transformations he has made in me, through suffering? Why now, do I shrink back from the pain? Do I wish to jump off the great surgeon’s table, while he is doing heart surgery on me? Do I wish to repeat this unfinished process again in the future and extend out this painful season of being molded? Am I not able to take another step? Will God not support me and uphold me…will He NOW abandon me…surely not! Shall I fear man? Shall I shrink back from participating in the sufferings of Christ? Shall I just give up? Shall I depend on myself and man to defend me? Shall I stop trying to endure and give up on my heavenly rewards which will last for eternity, just so that I can have 40 more years of reasonable comfort and “smooth sailing” in this temporary life???? Why then is it so hard to just allow myself to be completely wronged and even cheated? Why is the instinct to defend myself so strong and so stubborn? Again, it is my fleshly sin nature that screams for it’s way!
1Co_6:7 The very fact that you have lawsuits among you means you have been completely defeated already. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated?
Have I not been so moved and changed, just yesterday by the final reading of George Muller’s book? Was I not moved to walk in a much deeper and dependent faith in the Lord? Is not the desire of my soul to find more and more of him and to know more and more of Him and become completely dependent upon him, like George Muller’s life reflects the ability to do? Isn’t the greatest desire of my heart to MAKE A BIG DEAL out of God and bring Him much Glory??? Isn’t that what I have begged him for?
Is it even possible for me to bring more suffering on myself than God would intend or allow?
Mat 10:29-31 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father's care. (30) And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. (31) So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.
Wouldn’t I rather be completely wrong, thinking that I was being obedient to Christ than to be right and not be Obedient?
I told Keri last September, to send me whatever she wanted and I would sign it. I said I would rather be cheated than to continue in this battle. She never replied and the enemy didn’t want me to give up. He wanted me to continue to fight. Giving up and being willing to be wronged will bring God, MUCH Glory and he doesn’t want that! This is becoming a story that has the potential to bring God MUCH more glory than what might have been if it had all ended by now.
The thought occurred to me this morning. “Ok, just let them go ahead and falsely “impute” $125,000 in income to me.” If Satan wants to accuse me of making that, maybe God will answer his accusation and make it come true…who knows!” But either way, why fear man? Why fear the court? Why fear accusations or the countless injustices in the court orders? Why fear being ordered to pay every single penny of Keri’s now $60,000 + attorney’s fees, so far? Should I fear having the accusations made into a permanent court record? Should I fear going to jail? When Joseph and Paul went to jail, revival broke out afterwards! Should I fear not getting to see my children as much? Should I fear being asked to pay more child support than I can afford or a large and unjust “equalizing payment” of $10,000, to Keri?
IS GOD NOT BIGGER THAN ALL OF THIS????? Can God not render justice to me over and above what the law of the land and a corrupt court system can do? Is God impotent? Is my God that weak or indifferent? Do I not believe He is EVERYTHING he says he is and more??? Hasn’t he been trying to teach me for some time now that I’m to be totally dependent on HIM and not myself?
Is my faith that weak? Jesus Christ walked on water, healed the sick, gave sight to the blind, made the crippled walk, fed thousands, and RAISED people from the dead!! Is he now impotent? Is he on vacation? Is he blind to my plight? Can I no longer trust in His promises? Do I need to fight for myself now…vindicate myself…take matters into my own hands?
Or, shall I finally begin to walk in the faith that he calls me to?
Has it EVER worked that way in the Bible? NO!
1Pe 2:20 But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God.
AFTER THE ABOVE JOURNAL ENTRY…I LEAVE AND GO ON MY MOUNTAIN PRAYER WALK TO SEEK GOD AND THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS.
I usually would call Larry or Todd or Rick or someone like that, right after court to share what happened and seek their counsel. For the first time ever, I was aware that the Spirit did not want me to call Larry or anyone. He did not want me to get counsel or advice from anyone but Him on this. The impression was very strong, and I was taken aback by it. It had been a few hours since the hearing and as I’m on the way to the mountain trail, Larry sends me a text to see how the morning went. At first, I thought I’d call him on the way to the trail and then quickly the Holy Spirit gave me that check in my spirit…Do not call him until after you come back from the mountain to talk to the Lord. So I told Larry I would call him afterwards.
I walked up to the top of the mountain and praying felt like hard work as I labored in it out of sheer faith. This is unusual. I usually go up and feel the Spirit begin to easily move me into praying and there is much joy found in my communing with the Lord. Some of the most joyful moments I have experienced have come from just communing with the Lord, in closeness up on that mountain, where it is just He and I. This time, however, there was a block. I did not press hard but instead I moved into worship by listening to some of my favorite worship songs. I was the only one on the mountain, so I sang out loud while walking up the trail. I came to the top and found a spot to stand in the sunlight coming through the trees and I lifted my hands, my head and voice to the Lord in total adoration and praise. I felt the presence of the Lord and heard in my spirit, “He inhabits the praises of His people.”
I continued to walk down the trail, towards the overlook. I prayed for the Lord to give me wisdom and begged him to give me direction. Having just seen the prayer by Muller, I prayed in faith for God to refresh my spirit, which has been badly needed. I get to the bluff, and I have still had no revelations and haven’t heard anything else from the Lord. I feel myself realizing that, but I remain patient. I tell myself, “I’m ok, to just sit here and wait on Him…I can be patient.” So, I just sat and drank some water, looking out over the city, through the trees on the bluff.
A few minutes later I hear “Look at Oswald Chamber’s My Utmost for His Highest.” I look down and see that my phone has full signal, so I go online and am AMAZED that the Spirit of God and his faithfulness to me. I read the following entries, which all spoke DIRECTLY to my situation and gave me confirmation that God was asking me to do this difficult thing and trust Him alone. In particular the 8th of July and 9th of July
Will To Be Faithful
July 08 2012
. . . choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve . . . —Joshua 24:15
A person’s will is embodied in the actions of the whole person. I cannot give up my will— I must exercise it, putting it into action. I must will to obey, and I must will to receive God’s Spirit. When God gives me a vision of truth, there is never a question of what He will do, but only of what I will do. The Lord has been placing in front of each of us some big proposals and plans. The best thing to do is to remember what you did before when you were touched by God. Recall the moment when you were saved, or first recognized Jesus, or realized some truth. It was easy then to yield your allegiance to God. Immediately recall those moments each time the Spirit of God brings some new proposal before you.
“. . . choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve. . . .” Your choice must be a deliberate determination— it is not something into which you will automatically drift. And everything else in your life will be held in temporary suspension until you make a decision. The proposal is between you and God— do not “confer with flesh and blood” about it (Galatians 1:16). With every new proposal, the people around us seem to become more and more isolated, and that is where the tension develops. God allows the opinion of His other saints to matter to you, and yet you become less and less certain that others really understand the step you are taking. You have no business trying to find out where God is leading— the only thing God will explain to you is Himself.
Openly declare to Him, “I will be faithful.” But remember that as soon as you choose to be faithful to Jesus Christ, “You are witnesses against yourselves . . .” (Joshua 24:22). Don’t consult with other Christians, but simply and freely declare before Him, “I will serve You.” Will to be faithful— and give other people credit for being faithful too.
Will You Examine Yourself?
Jul 09, 2012
Joshua said to the people, ’You cannot serve the Lord . . .’ —Joshua 24:19
Do you have even the slightest reliance on anything or anyone other than God? Is there a remnant of reliance left on any natural quality within you, or on any particular set of circumstances? Are you relying on yourself in any manner whatsoever regarding this new proposal or plan which God has placed before you? Will you examine yourself by asking these probing questions? It really is true to say, “I cannot live a holy life,” but you can decide to let Jesus Christ make you holy. “You cannot serve the Lord . . .”— but you can place yourself in the proper position where God’s almighty power will flow through you. Is your relationship with God sufficient for you to expect Him to exhibit His wonderful life in you?
“The people said to Joshua, ’No, but we will serve the Lord!” (Joshua 24:21). This is not an impulsive action, but a deliberate commitment. We tend to say, “But God could never have called me to this. I’m too unworthy. It can’t mean me.” It does mean you, and the more weak and feeble you are, the better. The person who is still relying and trusting in anything within himself is the last person to even come close to saying, “I will serve the Lord.”
We say, “Oh, if only I really could believe!” The question is, “Will I believe?” No wonder Jesus Christ placed such emphasis on the sin of unbelief. “He did not do many mighty works there because of their unbelief” (Matthew 13:58). If we really believed that God meant what He said, just imagine what we would be like! Do I really dare to let God be to me all that He says He will be?
I read these and was overjoyed with tears that the Lord is with me and walking with me in such a close and specific way. Here I was sitting all alone on the mountain and he was confirming exactly what he had been telling me with His Spirit. I praised him, filled with joy and began to walk down the mountain.
THE DEVIL ATTACKS (through my mother)
I hadn’t been home more than 10 minutes to eat and change clothes. I simply told my parents that the Lord spoke to me on the mountain, and I knew what to do. My mother insisted that I come out to the porch to share. I felt instant tension about this and tried to dismiss her invitation. She came back through my end of the house, seemingly very interested in what I had learned. Knowing how these kinds of talks have always gone in the past, I wrestled back and forth between “Do not cast your pearl before swine.”, and the fact that I had just been praying for my mother and believing God will give her a heart for Him. I decided to go out there and as I approached the door, I was in prayer, knowing it wasn’t likely going to go well.
Very quickly, what at first appeared to be her genuine interest in hearing what the Lord told me, became an all-out assault of what the “Facts” were according to her and what I was going to suffer if the court did this and that, etc. She said “Here’s the facts Michael…that woman and her attorney are evil, and they are going to get your income imputed at the $125,000 and then what are you going to do? Son you’re going to end up with a “jailhouse ministry” because you can’t pay the child support…that’s what’s going to happen.”
Immediately, I said “Mother, I’m not changing my mind and I’m not listening to ANYONE except the Lord….period.” I began to resist and argue with her, and she got upset, asking me to just listen to the facts. I agreed to listen.
She went into a total panic and began to say things like “You can’t support yourself without us…you can’t support your kids without us…you can’t buy them clothes….you don’t have your own place to live…you don’t have your own car…you have no money for the future, etc.” She just went on and on, all while saying “I’m not trying to accuse you or anything.” I told her I trusted in the Lord and that he was in fact providing for me right now and he has used them to provide, as well as my work, but I also told her that they are the ones that came down and “kidnapped” me without my approval or say and they are the one’s that paid the money for the attorney that I told her NOT to do! She got so mad. I told her that we don’t believe the same, and we are not from the same worlds….to which she said, “You’re right…we live in the REAL world. It’s black and white. We have money in the bank for the future and you have never been good at that Michael.”
It just went on and on to the point she even questioned, “Who am I serving?” I then ripped back on her and said I try all the time to serve around her, and she comes right in and takes over because nothing anyone else does is EVER good enough, so why even bother?
I finally said, I’m sorry for yelling…I knew this was going to happen…we need to agree to disagree and this conversation is over…I got up and walked away and left.
My mother NEVER apologizes, but she came and gave me a kiss last night before she went to bed…that is her way of apologizing.
The enemy didn’t wait long at all before trying to completely steal the joy I found in the Lord. The persecution of my faith is being tested here over and over. I am a complete fool in the eyes of my mother, because of my faith in Christ. What looks like foolishness to her and other non-believers is worth more than all the gold and silver in the world to me. I will be a fool for Christ, even though it hurts. I will be ridiculed for my faith in him…I accept it. I will learn to rejoice in it…I’m on the right path…I know it and He has confirmed it. I am learning much from firsthand experience.
I immediately went into my room and got on my knees and confessed my sin and my weakness and told the Lord I could not resist these kinds of attacks in my own strength. I have tried multiple times, and I cannot do it…I am weak. I cannot rely on my efforts and strength to do this…I MUST RELY in him by Faith and Prayer to help me!
As it relates to my work and my finances right now, my experience looks EXACTLY like that of George Muller. The world and people like my mother would look at the disciples and Jesus, and the fact that they didn’t have their own houses or money in the bank, and they were basically transients and say, “What losers...they have NOTHING!” If my mother read Muller’s book and the 10 years’ worth of journal entries of his daily dependence on the Lord for the basics…bread and milk, etc. for his family and the orphans and how many times he declared himself as poor, only having one or two shillings left, she would say, “Well…I’m sorry…that’s just no way to live…you can’t just trust God like that.” George Muller takes “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness…” seriously, and I too want to have that kind of faith where I’m totally dependent on Him, and not myself or my bank account. This is so backwards from how I was taught life works and how I was supposed to live. George Muller found the treasure of total faith in God. Many would have made fun of and accused him of being a fool, too. I am seeing more and more just how unbelievably society have been deceived.
The persecution of my faith in Christ is more blatant than ever. I can feel the enemy accusing everything I’m doing and standing for. I have often asked the Lord… “Why am I not persecuted like you were when you said a student is not above his teacher and if they hate and persecuted me, they will persecute you too?” I now have evidence that I’m on the exact right path. It is very difficult; when I’m in such a place of humility and have no evidence to show doubters that I’m ok…hence why I keep hearing, “I am a fool for Christ.”