Part 7 - God's Painful Reversals

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If you’ve been following along with the story in the “Walking With God Through Crisis” series, I’ve just finished telling the astonishing story of my miraculous “777”-day divorce which occurred back in 2012. To this day, it stands as one of the most miraculous and difficult miracles that I have ever seen God do. The power of God was clearly displayed in His ability to show me the numbers “777” over 100 times throughout the divorce, warning me with the number “666” over 150 times, with each new attack, and then being able to arrange over two-years-worth of personal and Court schedules in order to hit the “777”-day mark. That showed me that He is the sovereign God who says, “I choose the appointed time. Dominion and all belong to Me.”

There is another part of this story, however, which I have never told publicly until now. My friends do not know it, my parents do not know it. In fact, my own wife, Persis, didn’t know this part of the story until just three days ago. There is only one person that I ever trusted enough to tell it. His name is Bobby Junkin, one of my dearest friends to this day, who you will hear more about later in my story, if you are following along in my autobiography, called “Astonishing Grace To The Chief Of All Fools.”

There were several reasons I didn’t share this story with others, but primarily, I didn’t want anyone who was weak in faith to have their faith in God injured. I’m going to let you hear that story in an audio journal recording, which I made five years ago, when it actually happened. But first, let me show you some Biblical and personal examples of God’s painful reversals, and then share a few insights, so you can be encouraged if you have experienced one before, or when you do so in the future.

Examples of God’s Reversals:

 God blesses Adam and gives a great wife and helper to him, but then she leads him to his death. Not to mention, she led all of us to our death. Genesis 3:1, Romans 5:12, 1 Timothy 2:14, 2 Corinthians 11:3.

 God blessed Adam and Eve with a second son, Abel, but then God allows Cain to murder Able. Genesis 4:8.

 God delivered Joseph from the hands of his brothers who wanted to kill him, and then blessed him to be in charge of Potiphar’s house, but then God lets him be falsely accused and thrown into prison. Genesis, Chapters 37 through 39.

 God has mercy on Lot and his family, as he escapes fire and judgment in Sodom with his wife, but then she is immediately turned into a pillar of salt. Genesis 19:26.

 Elijah was given glorious power from God and victory against 450 prophets of Baal, bringing fire from the sky, but then he feels so powerless that he runs from a single woman who wants to kill him. 1 Kings 19:3.

 God gives Samson his dream wife, but then God allows her to be murdered. Judges, Chapters 14 and 15.

 God blesses Job’s entire life, but then allows Satan to strip him of all those blessings. Job, Chapters 1 and 2.

 The Apostle John, the one whom the Bible points out was the one whom Jesus loved, ended up in prison, in exile, all alone on the Isle of Patmos. The Book of Revelation.

 John Bunyan was freed after six years in prison for teaching out of the Bible, but then was soon after thrown back in jail for another six years

 God told Madame Guyon to go to Geneva, that she would be used to bring many spiritual children to Him, but then she gets thrown into a dungeon for seven years, falsely accused by one of her mentors, and is poisoned, which leaves irreversible damage.

Here are a few personal examples of God’s reversals in my own life:

 In 2001, the Lord blessed me with $70,000-worth of financial miracles at the last minute, to open the Lord’s Gym, and then He let it collapse in total disaster, nine months to the day later.

 God blessed me with five adorable children who loved me dearly, and then allowed them to be taken from my life, and allowed four of the five to be turned against me.

 God blessed me with parents to help me after the divorce, but then He allowed my mom to turn against me after only a few weeks, and she then persecuted me for several years.

 God blessed me with a wonderful opportunity to lead a Catholic man to the Lord, and into freedom from his decades of sexual addiction and into a wonderful friendship with myself, only to then sever the friendship and allow him to go right back to the Catholic church and worldliness.

 God brought my blood father back into my life in a seemingly impossible chance meeting, got him to go to church with me, finally receiving Christ, and then He allowed the relationship to break again, permanently.

 God told me to put my story up on the internet, and then He allowed it to be taken right back down, shortly thereafter, by a false accusation and legal threats, which caused me to lose my Vimeo account forever, and my YouTube account for six months.

 God blessed me with life to the full in Jesus Christ, anointed me for work, gave me a very fruitful ministry, and then in 2018, took it all away from me.

 Most recently, God led me to believe Persis and I were going to live in Austin, Texas, in our newly built tiny house, but then suddenly called a halt, and left us directionless.

As mysterious and strange as many of God’s miracles are, often more mysterious are His reversals, where He undoes what He previously did, or when He gives a good gift only to allow it to turn bad. Perhaps it’s a much-needed job, a loving spouse, a healed medical condition, a much-desired baby, or an unanswered prayer to a spiritual need, and then suddenly, God allows it to be reversed, or the once-delightful gift to turn sour.

This experience can be so perplexing and so painful to Christians that if not properly understood, it can cause a person to fall from their faith in God. Hebrews 11:6 tells us that without faith it is impossible to please God, but what really is faith, and how does God see faith verses how we see faith? It is easy to have faith and love God in the face of an answered prayer. But what about when there is no answer, or worse, when He answers but then reverses it and lets it go bad? I think most of us would agree that it is easier to endure the pain of an unanswered prayer than to endure the pain of an answered prayer which was then reversed. Having no baby is much better than a miscarriage or having a stillborn.

God’s reversals require a much higher kind of faith. Little faith believes God only when prayers are answered, but perfect faith trusts God even when there is no visible good, or the good has been taken away. Habakkuk 3:17 through 18 describes a faith that has no good thing as its reward except the God who is the object of that faith. It is a passage of Scripture that describes what faith looks like when it has been perfected. This is how God defines perfected faith: “Though the fig tree does not bud, and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord. I will be joyful in God, my Savior.” This is the kind of faith which God wants all of us, who are following Christ, to have.

Yet, this is a kind of faith that is exceptionally rare. So very few will ever achieve this kind of faith. But it is what we should all be trusting Him for, because He is the only one who can give it to us. Today, when I read that Jesus Christ is the author and perfecter of our faith, in Hebrews, Chapter 12, I see it differently than I used to. I used to see it that Christ was my example of perfect faith. But now I see clearly that He is the one who is actually doing the work in me to perfect my faith.

2 Thessalonians 3:5 – “May the Lord direct your hearts into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance.”

Philippians 1:6 – “Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion.”

1 Corinthians 1:8 – “He will keep you strong to the end so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord, Jesus Christ.”

Ephesians 3:16 through 17, and Verse 20 – “I pray that out of His glorious riches, He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. Now, to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us.”

Beyond developing our faith, God has many other good reasons behind His mysterious reversals. In many of my reversals, I can see clearly how God was protecting me from the terrible pride that might have resulted after the blessing was mine. Perhaps I might have begun looking down on others who didn’t have quite as much favor in their life as me. The primary reason God allows these reversals is to discipline us and to teach us obedience through what we suffer. We are not above our Master. Hebrews 5:8. Although He, Jesus, was a Son, He learned obedience from what He suffered.

God can only permanently save the lowly and the humble, so I thank Him for doing whatever it takes to keep my hellish pride down, that I may be saved. Let us remember how much God tried to warn the Israelites about this very thing. Deuteronomy 8:12 through 14, and 17 and 18. “Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, and when your herds and flocks grow large, and your silver and gold increase, and all you have is multiplied, then your heart will become proud, and you will forget the Lord your God who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. You may say to yourself, “My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me,” but remember the Lord, your God. For it is He who gives you the ability to produce wealth and so confirms His covenant, which He swore to your forefathers as it is today.”

Many of us cannot even see the deep down subconscious pride inside of us that is so quick to conclude “My diligence and my self-control and my prayers and my Bible reading and my obedience and my faithfulness have produced this spiritual wealth, or this blessing, or this deliverance, for me.”

Verse 18 – “But remember the Lord your God, for it is He who gives you the ability.”

Psalm 62:7 NLT – “My victory and honor come from God alone.”

The question may be asked, “Do I understand all of the reversals I’ve seen in my life, or in the lives of others?” The answer is, “No,” but I am not to walk with God by my own understanding. And what has been the result, the fruit, of all of these reversals in my life? I love and desire Him alone. Not His gifts. I have no preference for anything but His will. I trust Him implicitly, and long for His final and coming redemption. I no longer have little faith, which depends on good answers to my prayers that stick, but a perfect faith which exclaims like Job, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. May the name of the Lord be praised.” In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrong-doing. Job 1:21 through 22.

It takes God a great deal of disciplining to get us to this kind of perfect faith, a faith where like George Muller, Madame Guyon, or Hudson Taylor can all have children die, and not even shed a tear. Not because they didn’t love their children as much, perhaps, as you do yours, but because they trusted their God so implicitly.

The greatest reversal in human history. Let’s talk about the greatest of all reversals in human history, the reversals which Jesus Christ experienced in His life. Jesus comes to us as the much-anticipated Savior, born by the miraculous wonder-working power of God, who is then subsequently slaughtered by that same sovereign power at work through the hearts of evil men. What a reversal.

God anointed Him with the Holy Spirit, and publicly honored Him and glorified Him, even speaking from a cloud so that all can hear that this is His Son whom He loves and with Him, He is well pleased. But then, directly thereafter, God sends this Son, whom He is so proud of, into a dreadful wilderness to be ruthlessly tested and tempted by Satan for 40 brutal days.

Another example of a sharp reversal in Jesus’s life comes to us from the Book of Luke. In Luke 4:22 it says, “All spoke well of Him and were amazed at the gracious words that came from His lips.” This was wonderful proof of God’s call and God’s blessing on His life. Imagine how Jesus felt in those early moments of His ministry, to be received like this, but then imagine how He felt just six verses later when there came a total reversal of that blessing. Luke 4:28 through 30 – “All the people in the synagogue were furious when they heard this. They got up, drove Him out of the town, and took Him to the brow of the hill on which the town was built, in order to throw Him down the cliff.”

In such a short time, Jesus went from receiving great respect from the people to being seen as a criminal worthy of death. Imagine how Christ felt. He was going to learn obedience through these reversals and through this suffering. Another example of a reversal in our Lord’s life can be seen when thousands begin following Jesus from the blessings that flowed from God through His life and mouth. God was going to be pleased to reverse those results, as well, such that even His own disciples would eventually ask, “Lord, will only a few be saved?” Luke 13:23.

More poignantly, John 6:66 – “From this time, many of His disciples turned back and no longer followed Him. “You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the twelve. Simon Peter answered Him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that You are the Holy One of God.” The most blessed, the most loving, the most righteous, the most powerful life that has ever lived, and God was even going to reverse that, by crushing Him to death. Isaiah 53:10. Acts 2:23 through 24. Revelation 13:8.

If Jesus Christ was required to learn obedience by what He suffered, Hebrews 5:8, if Jesus was required to be obedient unto death, Philippians 2:8, who can then turn and call Him “Master,” and yet say or think he or she is above His Master? Let us, by faith, embrace God’s temporary reversals in this life, and put all our hope in the final and greatest reversal of all, the great reversal of the corrupted creation.

The day is coming when God will reverse completely our having been cut off from Him by our sin. We know and see now in part, but then we shall see and know and be known fully. God will reverse death through resurrection, and God will reverse wickedness through justice.

God will also reverse all of the seemingly unanswered prayers, the streams of tears, the seasons of darkness, all the evil which we currently see all around us. These things are coming, but we can see clearly in passages, like 2 Thessalonians 1:7, John 18:1 through 8, 1 Peter 1:13, and Romans 8:18 that these will come primarily in the life to come, not in this life.

This glorious reversal was prophesied to come to us, just like Jesus was prophesied to come to us. Jesus, indeed, came. And so will it. Let us now wait for it in perfect faith. Here is the climax of that great and glorious reversal, which is coming as it is prophesied in Revelation 21:3 through 7 – “And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God, Himself, will be with them and be their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who is seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new.” Then, He said, “write this down for these words are trustworthy and true.” He said to me, “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty, I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. He who overcomes will inherit all of this, and I will be his God, and he will be My son.”

Wow! In the meantime, we can know by faith that our momentary light afflictions from all of these reversals and other sufferings in our lives are producing for us an eternal weight of glory. 2 Corinthians 4:7.

Conclusion. One of the greatest tests of our faith can be when God gives us something good, and then He turns around and allows the devil to take it right back from us. Such was the case with Job. The argument was made in hell that if God withdrew His blessings from Job’s life, that he would curse God, and that the only reason he worshiped God was that God had blessed his life in the natural. Job is not the only one God has been pleased to allow to experience this test. I, too, have been tested multiple times, and after many years of having my faith tried, I can say with Job, the Lord has given, and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. To me, miraculous answers to prayer, or God’s amazing providence, are meant to be evidence that God CAN, not that He always will,

The miraculous work that I saw with my own eyes, where God removed all the unjust add-ons in my divorce with my ex-wife and her attorney is enough evidence for me that He is the one true God, and that He can do anything that pleases Him. I am satisfied to know that my God can do a miracle. Not that He always will. Or that everything He does in this life will remain forever. It is through God’s mysterious and painful reversals that we can discover, by learning to walk in the greatest faith, the greatest object of our faith: Not God’s blessings, but God, Himself. This is the true faith of our Lord, Jesus Christ, who for the joy set before Him, endured the unthinkable, and the greatest shame of all, the cross upon which He was crucified.

It took years for the Lord, Jesus Christ, Himself, to be perfected as a Son through obedience. And likewise, it takes God many years to work this kind of faith into the heart of one of His servants. This, indeed, calls for patient endurance on the part of the Saints. All who would wish to have a faith like this must prepare to settle in for the long haul, to endure through many difficulties, many years of long suffering, many seasons of total darkness, and perhaps more than their fair share of God’s reversals. But for those of us who persevere, keeping our eyes on Jesus Christ, the author and perfecter of our perfect faith in God, there becomes an everlasting reality of God’s peace, rest and goodness, written upon the heart, which no outside circumstances, storms or devils can take away.

Now, let me share with you the journal recording of where, through one of God’s most shocking reversals in my life, I was first led by God’s grace into this perfect faith, and what a glorious treat it was when I sat down today, February 14th, 2019, to tell this part of my story, that when I found this journal recording, I discovered that it was recorded on February 14th, 2014. Five years ago, to this very day. May God bless you, as you listen.

(Journal recording from Michael’s phone.) It was 5:11 in the morning when I hit “Record” on this phone, but I just finished . . . I just sat down, and I opened up the Final Judgment, the Amended Final Judgment, and today is February 14th, 2014, of all days. It’s Valentine’s Day. I just witnessed with my own eyes a complete reversal of everything that I have been hoping for, and putting my time and efforts and prayer into, for God to have defended me. The whole “555,” and “666,” and “777” thing that God walked me through has been completely reversed, in every way imaginable.

I just received documents that now make it look like I owe about $20,000 to my ex-wife, and I’ve got a $125,000 income that has been impugned to me . . . everything you can think of. All of the things that were taken out, I am now responsible for 75% of all expenses. It’s a major, major blow. No longer does she have to meet me halfway to pick up the kids . . . which she never did . . . but it was in the Agreement that she would do that. They took away the summertime visits in the good Agreement, the one where God had miraculously pulled the bad stuff out, and now, all that’s back in.

So, now, she gets to pick them up. She gets to have Chelsea for her birthday, even though it’s during my summertime visitation. It is a heavy-handed blow, and the thing I just wanted to capture so quickly is, I’m not in denial about the severity of it. It’s ugly, a complete reversal. I mean, it means that my whole story is no longer my story. It means that everything I’ve put my hope in could be wrong. I mean, it literally means, did I mishear God? Did I . . . have I not heard from God on any of this? Were all of the “666’s” and the “555’s” and the divorce ending on the “777”th day after Him showing it to me over a hundred times . . . was that all just coincidence? Was that literally just nothing to do with God?

Well, the answer to that is, “No.” Of course, it had to do with God. So, as I looked at these papers this morning, just before I looked at them, I said, “Father, I’m going to have the courage to look and see whatever is in it, and I’m going to trust You. I’m going to ask You to give me courage and protection.” I read through them, and my heart sank a little bit, but I kind of knew that that was what was going to be in there, and I didn’t get all upset. My stomach didn’t get all turned on me, like it normally would. In fact, I just was forced to put my eyes back on the Lord, and say, “Lord, I don’t understand this.”

But I have this new awareness . . . and this is the most important thing I want to make a point of . . . I have this new awareness of just how much God is directing my steps. I can’t prove it to anybody, obviously now . . . since everything I’ve been putting my stock in, and the evidence that God has been directing my steps has been based upon these numbers, and Him giving me this miraculous victory in Court . . . that’s all been, essentially, a wash now. But I just know that I know that I know that God is still directing my steps. I would have to conclude that the things that are said of God in the Bible are not true. I would have to conclude that everything I’ve ever seen has been a complete lie. And I don’t believe that.

This is a test to my faith. There is no doubt about it. And there will be some dark moments ahead, but I told the Father, as King Hezekiah said, “Lord, we don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to do, but my eyes are on You.” And I’m going to sit down and do my Bible study this morning, and I’m going to seek to rebuild, re-establish my faith, by God’s Word. I’m not going to quit. I’m not going to roll over. I’m just going to say, “Okay, Lord, this is pretty serious. This could have some really big implications for Michael Chriswell. Did I hear You wrong, or is this a test of my faith? Have I been hearing You wrong on not taking a job right now, in trusting You, or is this a test to my faith?” And I asked the Father to please help me.

I saw “777” last night on the way to dinner with my mom, and the last two days, the numbers have been so unbelievable, like about Laura, about perseverance, about faith, it’s been really that God is going to do something awesome. That’s what the numbers have been saying the last couple of days. That’s just what the Scriptures He has been pointing me to are saying. As I went to grab my phone, and I said, “Lord, I’m going to need You to refresh my spirit,” I picked up my phone, and it was “5:11.” James 5:11 – “We consider blessed those who have persevered. We have heard of Job’s perseverance, and what the Lord finally brought about.”

So, it could be, when I look at what’s going on in my life, and I compare it to the Bible, not to what men do . . . if I compare my situation to how men act and what men would do, then I’m doomed. And this is just a guy who’s been completely delusional, and God is not the God that the Bible says He is, and I just need to be about saving myself right now. But when I look at who the Bible says God is, and I look at how He works with His children, this is exactly how He works. He often will allow a circumstance that will completely contradict everything that the person has been told.

“Oh, You’re going to give me that land? Well, then why are all of those enemies in it? Oh, You’re going to let me get out of here, let me get out of Laban’s household safely? Then why is my brother on his way to destroy me? Oh, You’re going to give me a promise of a multitude of nations? Why are You asking me to kill my son? Oh, You’re going to take me into the promised land? Why are these people going crazy on me, and You’re not providing food and water for them?” I mean, there are just so many stories of faith being contradicted.

I just taught in Bible class last week, Elijah. He goes to the woman and says . . . I mean, I’m going to go read this story again this morning. This is a wonderful . . . he goes to this woman’s house. The woman has been told, by the Lord, to provide for this man. She has no food. He gets there. She’s making a bowl of stew out of sticks for herself and her son, so they can die. Basically, Elijah says, “Look, God is going to provide for our food. The flour, the oil and the water will never run out while there is no rain on the land.”

And sure enough, they begin to eat of the miracle provisions, but her son dies. So, this is his circumstance that is gigantic. It’s terrifying, it’s horrible, and it completely flies in the face of the idea that God is with them and providing for them. And I knew that that was a test of faith for Elijah. As you read further into the story, you realize that Elijah is going to have a gigantic test of his faith, to face the prophets of Baal. One guy against 450? So, that child dying, I truly believe, was more of a test for Elijah’s faith than it was for the mom’s.

And you can see that it was a circumstance that completely contradicted. So, if I was not able to see this kind of pattern and this principle in testing of faith in play in the lives of so many of the Saints in the Bible, then I would say, “I’m in trouble, and I’ve misheard from God, and I need to pay that. I’m doomed myself here.” But that’s not what I see in the Bible. So, God either is who He says He is, in this moment, and He is very well aware of everything that has happened, and He is directing my steps and allowing my faith to be tested. Or He’s nothing, and He’s not worth following, He’s not worth serving, He’s not the God that the Bible made Him out to be. That’s just . . . there are no if’s, and’s, or but’s about it.

I’m not saying that God has to give me justice on this earth. I know that ultimate justice comes in heaven, and that’s where I really want justice, because that’s where it lasts forever. This is just temporary. But you would like to have some evidence on earth that God is good, and that God is for His children and those who are wronged. That’s why my heart is so much for this, because I feel that it brings God so much glory, when He does these kinds of things on earth.

This has been a huge blow, but I’m so thankful for the peace that’s in my heart. It’s only explainable by God. I have peace, and I even prayed and said, “Lord, I forgive her attorney again. I have compassion. Lord, you have given me the desire to want to do good to her, and this does do good to her. This has taken on . . . you know, cutting flesh off of me and giving it to her, and I am okay with that, but the Lord is going to have to provide.” So, now it comes down to, what will the Lord ask me to do next, as I wait upon Him in this? And I’m amazed at how much faith I still have in my Father, in spite of the fact that everything I’ve been hoping for has just been reversed.

Some people would say, “Michael, it’s time to come back to reality. It’s time to come back to reality and quit leaning on this idea that God is just going to take care of your every little problem.” And that’s not what I’ve done. I’ve simply followed and been obedient to what I believe the Lord has told me to do, which has caused me to have some rather uncomfortable circumstances. But I believe God. And I’m going to persevere. And I do believe, 100%, that God communicates to me through numbers, by showing me Scriptures. I believe every instance of “666” is irrefutable. It is not a coincidence that over 150 times, God would 100% nail it, telling me in advance, before a bad document came.

I look back, and I say, “Lord, how come You didn’t tell me this time of something like this? The last couple of times, there hasn’t been one.” And I’m going to tell you the reason for this is because there’s not a need. I don’t get knocked off my horse anymore, like I used to. I now have this relationship with the Lord that so goes beyond my circumstances. It’s not something I could’ve ever even understood before. This is a level of faith in God that so far rises . . . it’s like, “Okay, God, I’m Yours. Do whatever You want with me.” That’s the way I feel, in this moment. If you truly believe that God is who He says He is, and that He bought us with the price of Jesus Christ on that cross, how are we to have any say in our own life?

Unless a man gives up everything, he cannot be My disciple . . . I mean, all of the disciples were grievously wronged. Jesus was grievously wronged. Yet, everything was made good for them in the end. They didn’t receive their promises in this life, or their vindication, or their justice. They got great rewards in heaven. And I believe that I’m going to be rewarded for this, and I believe that God will provide for me, so that I can fulfill these financial and legal obligations. I believe He is providing for me in spirit already. The peace, it’s unbelievable. What a gift, Father. I thank You. God, I thank You.

I mean, I above all things am so thankful that I can take a blow like this, and still think “even though He slay me, yet will I praise my God.” Oh, my God, how I love Him, I praise Him. I thank Him so much, and it’s like, “how can I possibly feel this way, in spite of the fact that everything I had put my hope in just got blown away.” Yet, even as I say that, the answer comes to me: “We are never supposed to put our hope in good circumstances, or even in a good verdict, or even in something God will do. My hope is not in my circumstances. My hope is in my God.”

As I stand here, early in the morning, and I see this amazing, amazing moon that burns almost like a yellow outside right now . . . it’s just incredible . . . I think to myself, “The God who is keeping that moon hung in the sky is the God who is directing my steps, and I will trust Him. And I love Him so much, and I’m so thankful for what He has done in my heart. I will trust Him to provide the things that I need, externally, to fulfill the walk that He has called me to walk. I’m going to James 5:11 – I’m going to persevere, with God’s help.

May the name of the Lord, Jesus Christ, be praised for what He has done. I still have a “777”-day divorce, and in many ways, it still stands as a miracle of God’s amazing grace. But on this five-year anniversary of its reversal, I have seen a much bigger and much more complex miracle than this one. I have seen a heart which has relentlessly held to its belief that God is, indeed, good; despite many years of suffering and circumstances, which have all screamed back at me that He is not. The love and faith I feel for my heavenly Father today that permit me to say, like Job, “The Lord has given, and the Lord has taken away,” that is now the biggest miracle I have ever seen.